SUSPECT: Good ones

PRINTER CLEANINGS    When a guy's printer type began to grow faint, he called a local repair shop where a friendly man informed him that the printer probably needed only to be cleaned. Because the store charged $50 for such cleanings, he told him he might be better off reading the printer's manual and trying the job himself.    Pleasantly surprised by his candor, he asked, "Does your boss know that you discourage business?"    "Actually, it's my boss's idea," the employee replied sheepishly. "We usually make more money on repairs if we let people try to fix things themselves first."

 

 WATCH

 

 Johnny was in the playground with his friend Jimmy when he noticed the brand new shiny watch Jimmy was wearing.

 

 "Did you get that for your birthday?" he asked.

 

 "Nope," Jimmy replied.

 

 "Well, did you get it for Christmas then?" Johnny asked.

 

 "Nope."

 

 "You didn't steal it did you?"

 

 "No," said Jimmy. "I went into Mom and Dad's bedroom the other night when they were on the job. Dad gave me his watch to get rid of me."

 

 Johnny was extremely impressed with this idea, and extremely jealous of Jimmy's new watch. He vowed to get one for himself.

 

 That night he waited outside his parents' room until he heard the unmistakable noises of lovemaking.

 

 Johnny swung the door wide open and boldly strode into the bedroom. His father, caught in mid stroke, turned and asked him angrily, "What do you want now?"

 

 "I wanna watch," Johnny replied.

 

 "Well, stand in the corner and keep quiet then," said his father.

 

 

 

"Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again."

 Rakesh Jain | Associate Consultant | +91 80 2208 3844 (O) | +91 93429 25974 (M)

 Banking Products Division, Oracle Financial Services
 Bangalore, India

 Oracle Financial Services Software Limited was formerly i-flex solutions limited.

 

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SUSPECT: MAN, HIS DOG N THE NUNS

There was once a man and his dog, whom were stranded on an
island. One day, the man was really desperate and wanted to have sex
real bad, so he went round the island, hoping to find a woman or
something. All he found was a wooden barrel. So with that, he poked a
hole through the middle of the barrel and screwed till he was satisfied.
Ever since then, he used that to fulfill his sexual desires.

One day, his dog, has the sexual urge too, so it decides to use the
method that its master have been using.

So the two of them used the barrel until they died.

About 50 years later, the island was founded by a group of old nuns
and they built a nunnery there.

One day the Chief Nun found a certain barrel which contained a
loadful of wax, so she took it and made them into candles. The candles
were then being used to light up the nunnery in the dark until one day,
a nun got naughty and decided to satisfy herself with the candles. She
throughly enjoyed herself from that.

However, 10 months later, she rushed into the Mother Superior's room
and said, "I've got to confess, I used the candle to screw myself 9
months ago and now I have a baby."

Mother Superior then replied, "You're more fortunate my child, I've
got a puppy..."

Little Johnny does again

A new teacher was getting to know the kids by asking them their name and what their father did for a living.
The first little girl said: "My name is Mary and my Daddy is a postman."
The next child, a little boy said: "I'm Andy and my Dad is a mechanic."
And so it went until one little boy said: "My name is Johnny and my father is a striptease artist in a gay club."
The teacher gasped and quickly changed the subject. Later, in the school yard, the teacher approached Little Johnny privately and asked if it was really true that his dad danced nude in a gay bar.
Little Johnny blushed and said, "No, he's really a Business Development Director at Lehman Brothers, but I'm just too embarrassed to tell anyone."

Ultimate Quote for the day...

Indian & American... too good

An Indian is having his breakfast (coffee, croissants, bread, butter
And jam) when an American man; chewing gum, sits down next to him.

The Indian ignores the American who, nevertheless, starts a
conversation. American: "You Indians eat the whole bread?"

Indian (coolly): "Of course."

American: (after blowing a huge bubble)"We don't. In America, we only
eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container recycle it,

transform them into croissants and sell them to India." The American
has a smirk on his face.

The Indian munches on... gives a cold look but did not reply.

The American refuses to take the cue and persists: "Do you eat jelly
with the bread??"

Indian: "Of Course."

American: (cracking his gum between his teeth and chuckling). "We
don't. In America we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all
the peels, seeds,

and left overs in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam
and sell the jam to India."

The Indian puts his coffee mug down...looks straight in the American's
eye and then asks: "Do you have sex in America?"

American: "Why of course we do", the American says with a big smirk.

Indian: "And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?"

American: "We throw them away, of course."

Indian: "We don't. In India, we put them in a container, recycle them,
melt them down into chewing gum and sell them to America.

SUSPECT: Tips to Handle Disturbing Marketing Calls

First caller:
--------------------

Girl: Hello Sir, this is Pooja calling from Country Club.
Me: I Pooja!
Girl: Sir, we are offering life time Country Club membership for Rs.1.5 lakh only!
Me: Wow, what an offer! Only 1.5 lakh! How come so cheap?
Girl: Sir, I am not joking (with a chuckle).
Me: Neither me. You know, one of my friends already has Club Mahindra membership at Rs.1.5 lakh per year. Do you have any concession on group booking? I think we have
around 8 people in my team.
Girl: Sir, along with this, you will get 2 air tickets to Goa absolutely free!
Me: Free? I mean after becoming a member, isn't it?
Girl: We are also offering 8/6 site in Tumkur.
Me: What should I do with that site?
Girl: You know Sir, if you have more people in your group, you can have a farm house there ...
Me: where we can enjoy our retired life (continuing from where she left)
Girl: I am not joking, Sir!
Me: Who said that you are joking? Seriously Madam, I am serious. (Can't control my loud laughter this time)
Girl: Ok Sir, I think you are not interested. And she hangs up.


Second caller:
--------------------
Girl: Hi Sir, this is Pooja calling from ICICI Bank.
Me: Oh, Pooja, nice to hear your voice!
Girl: (amused by reaction) Sir, we are offering home loans for 12% interest.
Me: Oh, is that so? It's good, but I have an offer from another bank which is giving home loan for only 2% interest!
Girl: Only 2% interest?
Me: Yeah, it's only 2%, seriously.
Girl: Which bank, Sir? I do not think any bank is offering at this interest rate.
Me: (lowering my voice) I can't tell you, you know it's a private bank!
Girl: No Sir, it's not possible. If that's the case, then, I'm also interested.
Me: If you want to know the name of the bank, give your mobile number or e-mail ID as I cannot disclose this information over phone. I am bound not to disclose the details.
Girl: Okay. She disconnects the call.


Third caller:
--------------------
Girl: Hello Sir, I am Pooja calling from ...
Me: (interrupting her) Hang on for a moment ... (taking my time) ..Okay let's play "Kaun Banega Crorepati" with... sorry, I forgot your name?
Girl: Sorry ....
Me: What's your name, Madam? Am I speaking in an alien language?
Girl: Pooja...
Me: Audience, we have Pooja on our hot seat. Let's play "Kaun Banega Crorepati" with Pooja. (Of course, mimicking Big B's accent) Here is the first question to Pooja for 1,000
rupees on your computer screen. (Adding standard KBC music) Which bank you are calling from? (a) ICICI (b) HDFC (c) Deutsche (d) Others.
Girl: Funny (light laugh)...Okay, I am calling from HDFC.
Me: Computer, please lock (b) HDFC ...And yes (b) HDFC is the right answer. You have won 1,000 rupees!
Girl: Sir, are you interested in ... (again interruption by me).
Me: (my own voice) aren't you enjoying it? I think YES (switching back to Big B voice again) Ready for another question? And here goes the second question for 2,000 rupees
on your computer screen. What is the reason behind your call to me? (a) Credit/debit card (b) Home loan/personal loan (c) Mutual fund (d) Others.
Girl: Okay, it's enough. Are you interested in free Gold Credit Card offered by us?
Me: Oh no, wrong answer. Sorry Poojaji, I already have credit card from ICICI. I have been telling the participants that whenever you have doubt in mind, go for the life lines.
And you have not used any of your life lines. What a pity!
Girl: She hangs up. (As expected)

6 TRUTHS OF LIFE

1. You cannot touch all your teeth with your tongue.

2. All idiots, after reading the first 'truth', will try it.

3. The first truth is a lie.

4. You are smiling now because you're an idiot.

5. You will soon forward this to another idiot.

6. There is still a stupid smile on your face.

Rakesh Jain | Associate Consultant | +91 80 2208 3844 (O) | +91 93429
25974 (M)
Banking Products Division, Oracle Financial Services
Bangalore, India
Oracle Financial Services Software Limited was formerly i-flex
solutions limited.

-----Original Message-----
From: Rakesh Sampathraj-IP
Sent: Thursday, September 25, 2008 5:18 PM
Subject: SLEEPING PILLS

Doctor: Your husband needs rest and peace. Here are some sleeping pills.

Wife: When must I give them to him?

Doctor: They are for you.

SLEEPING PILLS

Doctor: Your husband needs rest and peace. Here are some sleeping pills.

Wife: When must I give them to him?

Doctor: They are for you.

Official Matters -Funny

DUE TO BUDGET CUTS, THIS IS YOUR NEW CUBICLE
EFFECTIVE JANUARY 1, 2009 NEW OFFICE POLICY

Dress Code:
--------------
1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your
salary.
2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we
will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need
a raise.
3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money
better,so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not
need a
raise.
4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be
and therefore you do not need a raise.

Sick Days:
--------------
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of
sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come
to work.

Personal Days:
--------------
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year.. They
are called Fridays & Saturdays.

Bereavement Leave:
--------------
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort
should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements
in your place.
In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral
should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow
you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour
early.

Bathroom Breaks:
--------------
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet.
There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the
end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will
retract,the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After
your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company
bulletin board under the 'Chronic Offenders' category. Anyone caught
smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental
health policy.

Lunch Break:
--------------
* Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat
more, so that they can look healthy.
* Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal
to maintain their average figure.
* Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide
a positive employment experience.. Therefore, all questions,
comments, concerns, complaints,frustrations, irritations,
aggravations, insinuations, allegations,accusations, contemplations,
consternation and
input should be directed else where.

The Management

Native Chief

An old Native Chief sat in his hut on the reservation,
smoking a ceremonial pipe and eyeing two Government officials sent to
interview
him.

"Chief Two Eagles" asked one Official, "You have observed the
white man for 90 years. You've seen his wars and his technological
advances.
You've seen his progress, and the damage he's done."

The Chief nodded in agreement.

The Official continued, "Considering all these events,
in your opinion, where did the white man go wrong?"

The Chief stared at the Government officials for over a minute and
then calmly replied,
"When white man found the land, Natives were running it..No
taxes..No debt..Plenty buffalo..Plenty beaver..Women did all the
work..
Medicine man free. Indian man spent all day hunting and fishing and
all night having sex."

Then the Chief leaned back and smiled, "Only white man dumb enough to
think he could improve system like that.

GEOGRAPHY OF WOMEN

Between the ages of 15 - 20 a woman is like Africa.
She is half discovered, half wild.

Between the ages of 20 - 30 a woman is like America.
Fully discovered and scientifically perfect.

Between the ages of 30 - 35, she is like India & Japan.
Very hot, wise and beautiful !!!!!!!!!

Between the ages of 35 - 40 a woman is like France.
She is half destroyed after the war but still desirable.

Between the ages of 40 - 50 she is like Germany.
She lost the war but not the hope.

Between the ages of 50 - 60 she is like Russia.
Very wide, very quiet but nobody goes there.

Between the ages of 60 - 70 a woman is like England.
With a glorious past but no future.

After 70, they become Siberia.
Everyone knows where it is, but no one wants to go there.

Drivers Licence

A mother is driving a little girl to her friend's house for a play
date.

'Mommy,' the little girl asks, 'how old are you?'

'Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age,' the mother
replied.

'It's not polite.'

'OK', the little girl says, 'How much do you weigh?'

'Now really,' the mother says, 'those are personal questions and are
really none of your business.'

Undaunted, the little girl asks, 'Why did you and Daddy get a
divorce?'

'That is enough questions, young lady, honestly!'

The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.

'My Mom won't tell me anything about her,' the little girl says to
her friend.

'Well,' says the friend, 'all you need to do is look at her drivers
license. It is like a report card, it has everything on it.'

Later that night the little girl says to her mother, 'I know how old
you are, you are 32.'

The mother is surprised and asks, 'How did you find that out?

'I also know that you weigh 140 pounds.'

The mother is past surprised and shocked now.
'How in heaven's name did you find that out?'

'And,' the little girl says triumphantly,'I know why you and daddy
got a divorce.'

'Oh really?' the mother asks. 'Why?'

'Because you got an F in sex.'

If you see someone without a smile today give them one of yours!

Shirley's Makeover

A woman named Shirley was from Beverly Hills. One
day, she had a heart attack and was taken to Cedars Sinai hospital.
While on the operating table, she had a near-death experience. She saw
God and asked, "Is this it?" God said, "No, you have another 30 to 40
years to live." Upon her recovery, she decided to stay in the hospital
and have collagen shots, cheek implants, a face lift, liposuction and
breast augmentation. She even had someone dye her hair. She figured
since she had another 30 to 40 years, she might as well make the most
of it. She walked out of Cedars Sinai lobby after the last operation
and was killed by an ambulance speeding up to the hospital. She arrived
in front of God and said, "I thought you said I had another 30 to 40
years?" God replied, "Shirley! I didn't recognize you!

God Will Provide

A young woman brings home her fiancée to meet her parents. After
dinner, her mother tells her father to find out about the young man.
The father invites the fiancée to his study for a drink. "So what are
your plans?" the father asks the young man. "I am a Torah scholar." he
replies. "A Torah scholar. Hmmm," the father says. "Admirable, but what
will you do to provide a nice house for my daughter to live in, as
she's accustomed to?" "I will study," the young man replies, "and God
will provide for us." "And how will you buy her a beautiful engagement
ring, such as she deserves?" asks the father.
"I will concentrate on my studies," the young man replies, "God will
provide for us." "And children?" asks the father. "How will you support
children?" "Don't worry, sir, God will provide," replies the fiancée.
The conversation proceeds like this, and each time the father
questions, the young idealist insists that God will provide. Later, the
mother asks, "How did it go, Honey?" The father answers, "He has no job
and no plans, but the good news is he thinks I'm God."

Obedient Maid

Man calls home.Maid answers phone.He says, "Can I speak to my wife?"She
says, "No, she's upstairs in bed with her boyfriend."He's maid--
says, "Ok, go to the hall closet and take out my shotgun. Go upstairs
and kill them both."Being the loyal maid, she says, "Ok."5 minutes
later she picks up the phone and says, "Ok, they're both dead. What
should I do with the bodies?"He says, "Throw them in the pool, and I'll
take care of them when I get home."She says, "We don't have a pool."He
asks, "Is this 555-8372?"

A Lottery Ticket

Banta Singh finds himself in dire trouble.
His business has gone bust and he's in serious financial trouble.
He's so desperate that he decides to ask Bhagwan for help. He goes
into the temple and begins to pray.
"Oh Bhagwan, please help me, I've lost my business and if I don't get
some money, I'm going to lose my house as well, please let me win the
lotto". Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it.

Banta Singh goes back to the synagogue.
"Bhagwan, please let me win the lotto, I've lost my business, my
house and I'm going to lose my car as well". Lotto night comes and
Banta still has no luck!!

Back to the temple... "My Bhagwan, why
have you forsaken me?? I've lost my business, my house, my car and my
wife and children are starving. I don't often ask you for help and I
have always been a good servant to you. Why won't you just let me win
the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order???".
Suddenly there is a blinding flash of
light as the sky parts open and the Banta is confronted by the voice
of the God:
"BANTA SINGH, BUY A TICKET FIRST".

You thought Santa Singh is dumb

Santa and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from
Patiyala to NewDelhi. The lawyer asks if he would like to play a fun
game. Santa, tired, just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines
and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer
persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He
says, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you
pay me fifty rupees, and vice versa."

Again, Santa declines and tries to get
some sleep. The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know
the answer, you pay me Rs. 50, and if I don't know the answer, I will
pay you Rs. 5000."

This catches Santa's attention and,
figuring there will be no end to this torment, agrees to the game.
The lawyer asks the first question: "What's the distance from the
earth to the moon?"

Santa doesn't say a word, reaches into his purse, pulls out a Rs. 50
bill, and hands it to the lawyer. "Okay," says the lawyer, "your
turn." Santa asks, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes
back with four legs?"
The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all
his references ... no answer. He taps into the air phone with his
modem and searches the Internet and the Library of Congress ...
no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and
coworkers but to no avail. After an hour,he wakes Santa and hands him
Rs. 5000. Santa thanks him and turns back toget some more sleep. The
lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, stirs Santa and
asks, "Well, what's the answer?"

Without a word, Santa reaches into his
purse, hands the lawyer Rs. 50, and goes back to sleep. And you
thought Santa Singh is dumb.

Funniest Quotes

# I was the best man at the wedding. If I'm the best man, why is she
marrying him?
# It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world
every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.
# Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two lifeforms, one
of them's making a poop, the other one's carrying it for him, who
would you assume is in charge.
# According to most studies, people's number one fear is public
speaking. Number two is death. Death is number two.
Does that sound right? This means to the average person, if you go to
a funeral, you're better off in the casket than doing the eulogy.
# Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.
# The Swiss have an
interesting army. Five hundred years without a war. Pretty
impressive. Also pretty lucky for them. Ever see that little Swiss
Army knife they have to fight with? Not much of a weapon there.
Corkscrews. Bottle openers. "Come on, buddy, let's go. You get past
me, the guy in back of me, he's got a spoon. Back off.
I've got the toe clippers right here.
# Why do people give each other
flowers? To celebrate various important occasions, they're killing
living creatures? Why restrict it to plants? "Sweetheart, let's make
up. Have this deceased squirrel."
# Why do they call it a "building"? It looks like they're finished.
Why isn't it a "built"?
# The big advantage of a book
is it's very easy to rewind. Close it and you're right back at the
beginning.
# Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV.
# The idea behind the tuxedo is the woman's point of view that men
are all the same; so we might as well dress them that way. That's why
a wedding is like the joining together of a beautiful, glowing bride
and some guy. The tuxedo is a wedding safety device, created by women
because they know that men are undependable. So in case the groom
chickens out, everybody just takes one step over, and she marries the
next guy.
# I will never understand why
they cook on TV. I can't smell it. Can't eat it. Can't taste it. The
end of the show they hold it up to the camera, "Well, here it is. You
can't have any.
Thanks for watching. Goodbye."
# You can measure distance by time. "How far away is it?" "Oh about
20 minutes." But it doesn't work the other way. "When do you get off
work?" "Around 3 miles."
# Are there keys to a plane?
Maybe that's what those delays are sometimes, when you're just
sitting there at the gate. Maybe the pilot sits up there in the
cockpit going, "Oh, I don't believe this. I did it again." They tell
you it's something mechanical because they don't want to come on the
P.A. system, "Ladies and gentlemen, we're going to be delayed here on
the ground for a while. I uh..Oh, God this is so embarrassing...I, I
left the keys to the plane in my apartment. I'm sorry, I'll run back
and get them."
# I once had a leather jacket that got ruined in the rain. Why does
moisture ruin leather? Aren't cows outside a lot of the time?
When it's raining, do cows go up to the farmhouse, "Let us in! We're
all wearing leather! Open the door! We're going to ruin the whole
outfit here!"

Technically correct!!!

A helicopter was flying above Seattle when an
electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic
navigation and communications equipment. Due to the clouds and haze,
the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position and course to
steer to the airport.The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it,
circled, drew a handwritten sign and held it up in the helicopter
window.The pilot's sign said, "Where am I?" in large letters.The people
in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large
sign and held it to the window of their building.Their sign read, "You
are in a helicopter."The pilot smiled, waved, looked at the map,
determined the course to steer to the SEATAC airport and landed
safely.After they were on the ground, the copilot asked the pilot how
the "You are in a helicopter" sign helped determine their position.The
pilot responded, "I knew that had to be the Microsoft building because,
similar to their help-lines, they gave me a technically correct but
completely useless answer!"

Confessions of a Kid

Little Bobby came into the
kitchen where his mother was making dinner.His birthday was coming up
and he thought this was a good time to tell his mother what he
wanted.Mom, I want a bike for my birthday.Little Bobby was a bit of a
troublemaker.He had gotten into trouble at school and at home.Bobby's
mother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a bike for his
birthday.Little Bobby, of course, thought he did.Bobby's mother
wanted Bobby to reflect on his behavior over the last year.Go to your
room, Bobby, and think about how you have behaved this year.Then
write a letter to God and tell him why you deserve a bike for your
birthday.Little Bobby stomped up the steps to his room and sat down
to write God a letter.

Letter 1
=========
Dear God,

I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a bike for my
birthday.I want a red one.Your friend,BobbyBobby knew that this
wasn't true. He had not been a very good boy this year,So he tore up
the letter and started over.

Letter 2
=========

Dear God,

This is your friend Bobby. I have
been a good boy this year and I would likea red bike for my birthday.
Thank you.Your friend,BobbyBobby knew that this wasn't true either.
So, he tore up the letter and started again.

Letter 3
=========

Dear God,
I have been an OK boy this year. I still would really like a bike for
my birthday.BobbyBobby knew he could not send this letter to God
either. So, Bobby wrote a fourth letter.

Letter 4
=========

God,I know I haven't been a good boy this year. I am very sorry.I
will be a good boy if you just send me a bike for my birthday.Please!
Thank you,Bobby

Bobby knew, even if it was
true, this letter was not going to get him a bike.Now, Bobby was very
upset. He went downstairs and told his mom that he wanted to go to
church.Bobby's mother thought her plan had worked, as Bobby looked
very sad.Just be home in time for dinner, Bobby's mother told
him.Bobby walked down the street to the church on the corner.Little
Bobby went into the church and up to the altar.He looked around to
see if anyone was there.Bobby bent down and picked up a statue of the
Mary.He slipped the statue under his shirt and ran out of the church,
down the street,into the house, and up to his room.He shut the door
to his room and sat down with a piece of paper and a pen.Bobby began
to write his letter to God.

Letter 5
=========

God,I'VE KIDNAPPED YOUR MAMA. IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND THE
BIKE!!!!!!

Is Your Daddy Home?

The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about
an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the
employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's
whispered, "Hello?""Is your Daddy home?" he asked."Yes,"
whispered the small voice."May I talk with him?"To the surprise of
the boss, the small voice whispered, "No."Wanting to talk with an
adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?""Yes," came the answer.
"May I talk with her?"Again, the small voice whispered, "No."Hoping
there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked
the child, "Is anybody else there?""Yes" whispered the child, "a
policeman."Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's
home, the boss asked "May I speak with the policeman?""No, he's busy,"
whispered the child."Busy doing what?" asked the boss."Talking to
Daddy and Mommy and the firemen," came the whispered answer.Growing
concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter
through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that
noise?""A hello-copper" answered the whispering voice. "What is going
on there?" asked the boss, now alarmed.In an awed whispering voice,
the child answered, "The search team just landed the hello-
copper."Alarmed, concerned, and more than just a little frustrated,
the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"Still whispering, the
young voice replied, along with a muffled giggle"Me."

The Greatest Paradox!!!

Many years ago, a Law teacher came across a student who was willing to
learn but was unable to pay the fees. The student struck a deal
saying, "I will pay your fee the day I win my first case in the court".
Teacher agreed and proceeded with the law course. When the course was
finished and teacher started pestering the student to pay up the fee,
the student reminded him of the deal and pushed days. Fed up with this,
the teacher decided to sue the student in the court of law and both of
them decided to argue for themselves. The teacher put forward his
argument saying: "If I win this case, as per the court of law, the
student has to pay me as the case is about his non-payment of dues. And
if I lose the case, student will still pay me because he would have won
his first case. So either way I will have to get the money". Equally
brilliant, the student argued back saying: "If I win the case, as per
the court of law, I don't have to pay anything to the teacher as the
case is about my non-payment of dues. And if I lose the case, I don't
have to pay him because I haven't won my first case yet. So either way,
I am not going to pay the teacher anything". This is one of the
greatest paradoxes ever recorded in history.

Miscommunication in office

Here is an example of miscommunication in a company, the boss of the
company initiates a mail to invite his staff to witness an eclipse
and how his message is passed by employees at different levels in the
hierarchy and finally how it reaches to the staff...

Mail from CEO to Manager:
==========================
Today at 11 o'clock there will be a total eclipse of the sun. This is
when the sun disappears behind the moon for two minutes. As this is
something that cannot be seen every day, time will be allowed for
employees to view the eclipse in the parking lot. Staff should meet
in the lot at ten to eleven, when I will deliver a short speech
introducing the eclipse, and giving some background information.
Safety goggles will be made available at a small cost.

Mail from Manager to Department Head:
==========================
Today at ten to eleven, all staff should meet in the car park. This
will be followed by a total eclipse of the sun, which will appear for
two minutes. For a moderate cost, this will be made safe with
goggles. The CEO will deliver a short speech beforehand to give us
all some information. This not something that can be seen everyday.

Mail from Dept. Head to Floor Manager:
==========================
The CEO will today deliver a short speech to make the sun disappear
for two minutes in the form of an eclipse. This is something that
cannot be seen every day, so staff will meet in the car park at ten
or eleven.
This will be safe, if you pay a moderate cost.

Mail from Floor Manager to Supervisor:
==========================
Ten or eleven staff are to go to the car park, where the CEO will
eclipse the sun for two minutes. This doesn't happen every day. It
will be safe, and as usual it will cost you.

Mail from Supervisor to Staff:
==========================
Some staff will go to the car park today to see the CEO disappear. It
is a pity, this doesn't happen everyday.

The Surgeon

Gopi and Ramu were out cutting wood, and Ramu accidentally cut his
arm off. Gopi wrapped the arm in a plastic bag and took Ramu to a
surgeon.The surgeon said "You're in luck! I'm an expert at
reattaching limbs! Come back in 5 hours."So Gopi left and when he
returned in 5 hours the surgeon said "I got done quicker than I
expected. Ramu is down at the movies." Gopi went to the movies and
there was Ramu, clapping at the screen.A few weeks later, Gopi and
Ramu were cutting wood again, and Ramu cut his leg off. Gopi put the
leg in a plastic bag and took it and Ramu back to the surgeon.The
surgeon said "No problem, but legs are a little tougher.
Come back in 8 hours."Gopi left and when he came back in 6 hours the
surgeon said "I finished early, Ramu's down at the soccer field."

Gopi went down to the soccer field and there was Ramu, kicking goals.
A few weeks later, Ramu had a terrible accident and cut his head off.
Gopi put the head in a plastic bag and took it and the rest of Ramu
to the surgeon.
The surgeon looked at the situation and said "Gosh, heads are really
tough.
Come back on 12 hours."So Gopi left and when he returned in twelve
hours the surgeon said regretfully "I'm sorry, Ramu died."
Gopi said "I understand - heads are tough."The surgeon said, "Oh no!
The surgery went fine! Ramu suffocated in that plastic bag

My wife is poisoning me

A man goes to see the Rabbi. "Rabbi, something
terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it." The Rabbi
asked,
"What's wrong?"
The man replied, "My wife is poisoning me."

The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, "How can that be?" The man
then pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning me, what
should I do?"

The Rabbi then offers, "Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I'll see
what I can find out and I'll let you know."

A week later the Rabbi calls the man and
says, "Well, I spoke to your wife. I spoke to her on the phone for three
hours. You want my advice?" The man said yes and the Rabbi!
replied, "Take the poison."

The Funnies On Life

An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he
has been living with for the last 40 years.

The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact
words that were used to put the curse on you." The old man says
without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."
*************8
My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he
was God, and I didn't.

**********
Marriage is a three ring circus:
Engagement ring,
wedding ring, and
suffering.

**********
For Sale: Wedding dress,
size 8. Worn once by mistake.

***********
There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman:
Before marriage and after marriage.

**********
Why were hurricanes usually named after women?
Because when they arrive, they're wet and wild, but when they go,
they take
your house and car

*********
Because they had no reservations at a busy restaurant, my elderly
neighbor and his wife were told there would be a 45minute wait for a
table. "Young man, we're both 90 years old," the husband said.
"We may not have 45 minutes." They were seated immediately.

**********
The reason congressmen try so hard to get
reelected is that they would
hate to have to make a living under the laws
they've passed.

**********
All eyes were on the radiant bride as her
father escorted her down he aisle. They reached the altar and the
waiting
groom; the bride kissed her father and placed something in his hand.
The
guests in the front pews responded with ripples of laughter. Even the
priest
smiled broadly.

As her father gave her away in marriage, the bride gave him back his
credit card.

**********
Smith climbs to the top of Mt.Sinai to get close
enough to talk to God. Looking up, he asks the Lord... "God, what
does a
million years
mean to you?" The Lord replies, "A minute."

Smith asks, "And what does a million dollars mean to you?" The Lord
replies, "A penny."

Smith asks, "Can I have a penny?" The Lord replies, "In a
minute."

**********
John was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully. "Give
me one last request, dear," he said. "Of course, John," his wife said
softly.
"Six months after I die," he said, "I want you to marry Bob." "But
I thought you hated Bob," she said. With his last breath John said,
"I do!"

**********

where is Larry's bar?

A man goes to a shrink and says, "Doctor, my wife
is unfaithful to me.
Every evening, she goes to Larry's bar and picks up men.
In fact, she sleeps with anybody who asks her! I'm going crazy What do
you
think I should do?"

"Relax," says the Doctor, "take a deep breath and
calm down. Now, tell me, exactly where is Larry's bar?"

INTELLIGENCE OF SARDAR

1. Lecturer : Write a note on Gandhi Jayanthi.
Sardar : Gandhi was a great man, I dont know who is Jayanthi.

2. Sardar : You cheated me.
Shopkeeper: How ?
Sardar : You said this is American made radio. But when I put it ON,
it says All IndiaRadio.

3. Sardar joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on
thecomputer. Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.
Sardar :
Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright.
4. On a romantic day sardar's girlfriend asks him. Darling on
our engagement day will you give me a ring.
Sardar : Ya sure, from landline or mobile.

5. Doctor to patient : You will die within 2 hours. Do you want to see
any one before you die?
Patient : Yes. A good doctor.

6. 2 sardar were fixing a bomb in a car.
Sardar 1 : What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing.
sardar 2 : Dont worry, I have a one more.

7. Interviewer : When is your birthday.
Sardar : 13th Oct.
Interviewer : which year ?
sardar : Every year.

8. Sardar was busy removing a wheel from his auto. A man asks sardar
why are you removing a wheel from your auto.
sardar : Cant you read the board. Parking is only for 2 wheeler.

9. Boss : Where were you born ?
sardar : Punjab.
Boss : which part ?
sardar : Whole body born in punjab. (ultimate)

10. How will you destroy a submarine full of sardars ?
Simple. Just knock the door and they will open it.

Controlling Spouses

There were three guys talking in the pub. Two of them are talking about
the amount of
control they have over their wives, while the third remains quiet.

After a while one of the first two turns to the third and says,

"Well, what about you, what sort of control do you have over your wife?"

The third fellow says "I'll tell you. Just the other night my wife came
to me on her hands
and knees."

The first two guys were amazed. "What happened then?" they
asked.

"She said, 'Get out from under the bed and fight like a man'

Exotic Parrot

One day a man went to an auction. While there, he bid on an exotic
parrot. He
really wanted this bird, so he got caught up in the bidding. He kept on
bidding,
but kept getting outbid, so he bid higher and higher and higher.
Finally, after
he bid way more than he intended, he won the bid. The price was high
but the
fine bird was finally his!

As he was paying for the parrot, he said to
the Auctioneer, "I sure hope this parrot can talk. I would hate to have
paid
this much for it, only to find out that he can't talk!"

"Don't worry," said the Auctioneer, "He can talk. Who do you think kept
bidding against you?

New Labor Pain Machine

A couple went to the hospital to have their baby
delivered. Upon arrival, the doctor said that they had a new machine
that
would transfer by kinetic energy a portion of the mother's labor pain
to
the father. He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were
both very much
in favor of it. The doctor initially set the pain-transfer level to 10
percent, saying that was probably more pain than the father had ever
experienced before.
But as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the
doctor to go ahead and kick it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted
the machine to 20 percent pain transfer. The husband was still feeling
fine.

The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and was amazed
at how well he was doing. At this point they decided to try for 50
percent. The husband
continued to feel quite well. Since the pain transfer was obviously
helping out the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor
to transfer all the pain to him. The wife delivered a healthy baby
with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic but when
they returned home, they
found the milkman was dead on the porch.

New airline rules

Attendant: Welcome aboard Ala Carte Air, Sir. May I see
your ticket?
Passenger: Sure.
Attendant: You're in seat 12B. That will be $5, Please!
Passenger: What for?
Attendant: For telling you where to 'Sit'.
Passenger: But I already knew where to sit.
Attendant: Nevertheless, we are now charging a seat
locator fee of $5. It's the Airline's new Policy.
Passenger: That's the craziest thing I ever heard. I
won't pay it.
Attendant: Sir, Do you want a seat on this flight, or not ?
Passenger: Yes, yes. All right, I'll pay. But the airline
is going to hear about this.
Attendant: Thank you. My goodness, Your carry-on bag looks
heavy. Would you like me to stow it in the
overhead compartment for you?
Passenger: That would be Swell, .
Attendant: No problem. Up we go, and done! That will be
$10, Please.
Passenger: What?
Attendant: The Airline now charges a $10 carry-on assistance
fee.
Passenger: This is extortion. I won't stand for it.
Attendant: Actually, you're right, you can't stand. You
need to sit, and fasten your seat belt. We're
about to push back from the gate. But, first I
need that $10.
Passenger: No Way!
Attendant: Sir, if you don't comply, I will be forced to call
the Air Marshal. And you really don't want me to
do that.
Passenger: Why Not? Is he going to 'Shoot me'?
Attendant: No, But there's a $50 Air-Marshal hailing fee.
Passenger: Oh, all right, here, take the $10. I can't believe
this.
Attendant: Thank you for your cooperation, sir. Is there
anything else I can do for you?
Passenger: Yes. It's stuffy in here, and my overhead fan
doesn't seem to work. Can you fix it?
Attendant: Your overhead fan is not broken, Sir. Just insert
two quarters into the overhead coin slot for the
first five minutes.
Passenger: The Airline is charging me for Cabin air?
Attendant: Of course not, sir. Stagnant cabin air is provided
free of charge. It's the circulating air that
costs 50 cents.
Passenger: I don't have any quarters. Can you make change
for a dollar?
Attendant: Certainly, Sir! Here you go!
Passenger: But you've given me only three quarters for my
dollar.
Attendant: Yes, there's a 'change making fee' of 25 cents.
Passenger: For cryin' out loud. All I have left is a
lousy quarter? What the heck can I do with
this ?
Attendant: Hang onto it. You'll need it later for the
lavatory.

Golden Rules After Marriage!

If you are already in a relationship or married, these are the rules
that you ought to follow:

1. The female always makes the rules.
2. These rules are subject to change at any time without prior
notification.
3. No male can possibly know all the rules.
4. If the female suspects that the male knows all the rules, she
must immediately change some or all of the rules.
5. The female is never wrong.
6. If the female is wrong, it is because of a misunderstanding which
was a direct result of something the male said or did wrong.
7. If rule number 6 applies, the male must immediately apologize
for causing the misunderstanding.
8. The female can change her mind at any given point in time.
9. The male must never change his mind without express written consent
of the female.
10. The female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.
11. The male must remain calm at all times, unless the female wants
him to be angry or upset.
12. The female must under no circumstances let the male know whats on
her mind whether she wants him to be calm, angry or upset.
13. Any attempt to document these rules could result in bodily harm.
14. The female always gets the last word !!!

Blonde speeding

A blonde woman gets pulled over for doing 85 in a 25mph
zone. The cop asks her for her license and registration. She
says, "License, what's that?"
He replies, "It's what they ask for when you buy liquor."
She says, "Oh, I get it," and hands him her license.
Then she asks what a registration is. He says, "It's
probably in your glove box. Just open it and give me the
papers inside." She does, so he returns to his car.

He calls the police dispatcher and says, "I think I just
pulled over the dumbest blonde ever! She didn't even know
what a license was." The dispatcher says, "I know who she is. She's
driving a
new BMW, with pink mirrors."
The cop says, "Yeah, how'd you know?"
The dispatcher says, "Never mind that, just go up to her
car and drop your pants."
The cop says, "No freakin' way!"
The dispatcher says, "Just trust me, all the cops in
town have done it."
So the cop agrees and reluctantly walks up to her car.
He looks around and then drops his pants.
The blonde woman says, "Another breathalyser test? No
problem, I pass these all the time."

Cool Meanings

Cigarette:
----------
A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool
at the other.

Love affairs:
----------
Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular
than a five-day test.

Marriage:
----------
It's an agreement in which a
man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master

Divorce:
----------
Future tense of marriage

Lecture:
----------
An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to
the notes of the students without passing through the minds of either.

Conference:
----------
The confusion of one man multiplied by the number
present.Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that
everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

Tears:
----------
The hydraulic force by which masculine will power is defeated by
feminine waterpower.Dictionary: A place where divorce comes before
marriage.

Conference Room:
----------
A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody
disagrees later on.

Ecstasy:
--------------------
A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have
never felt before.

Classic:
----------
A book which people praise,but do not read.Smile: A curve that can
set a lot of things straight.

Office:
----------
A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

Yawn:
----------
The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

Etc:
----------
A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

Committee:
----------

Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that
nothing can be done together.

Experience:
----------
The name men give to their mistakes.

Atom Bomb:
----------
An invention to end all inventions.

Philosopher:
----------
A fool who torments
himself during life, to be spoken of when
dead.Diplomat: A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way
that you actually look forward to the trip.

Opportunist:
----------
A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a
river.

Optimist:
----------
A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway See I am
not injured yet.

Pessimist:
----------
A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, Instead of the
first letter in word OPPORTUNITY

Miser:
----------
A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.

Father:
----------
A banker provided by nature.

Criminal:
----------
A guy no different from the rest... except that he got caught.

Boss:
----------
Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are
early.

Politician:
----------
One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence
after.

Doctor:
----------
A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills

Pilots flying Blind

One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner
are seated waiting for the pilot to show up so they can get under
way.The pilot and copilot finally appear in the rear of the plane and
begin walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle. Both appear
to be blind; the pilot is using a white cane, bumping into passengers
right and left as he stumbles down the aisle. The copilot is using a
guide dog. Both have their eyes covered with sunglasses.At first, the
passengers do not react thinking that it must be some sort of
practical joke. After a few minutes though, the engines start
revving, and the airplane begins moving down the runway.The
passengers look at each other with some uneasiness. They start
whispering among themselves and look desperately to the stewardesses
for reassurance.Yet, the plane starts accelerating rapidly, and
people begin panicking. Some passengers are praying, and as the plane
gets closer and closer to the end of the runway, the voices are
becoming more and more hysterical.When the plane has less than twenty
feet of runway left, there is a sudden change in the pitch of the
shouts as everyone screams at once.
At the very last moment, the plane lifts off and is airborne.Up in
the cockpit, the copilot breathes a sigh of relief and tells the
pilot: "You know, one of these days the passengers aren't going to
scream, and we aren't going to know when to take off!"

IT Consultant

Once upon a time there was a shepherd looking after his sheep on the
side of a deserted road. Suddenly a brand new Porsche screeches to a
halt.The driver, a man dressed in an Armani suit, Cerutti shoes, Ray-
Ban sunglasses, TAG-Heuer wrist-watch, and a Pierre Cardin tie, gets
out and asks the Shepherd:If I can tell you how many sheep you have,
will you give me one of them?"The shepherd looks at the young man,
and then looks at the large flock of grazing sheep and replies:
"Okay." The young man parks
the car, connects his laptop to the
mobile-fax, enters a NASA Webster, scans the Ground using his GPS,
opens a database and 60 Exceltables filled with logarithms and pivot
tables, then prints out a 150 page report on his high-tech mini-
printer.He turns to the shepherd and says, "You have exactly 1,586
sheep here."The shepherd cheers, "that's correct, you can have your
sheep."The young man makes his pick and puts it in the back of his
Porsche.The shepherd looks at him and asks: "If I guess your
profession, will you return my animal to me?"The young man
answers, "Yes, why not".The shepherd says, "You are an IT
consultant "."How did you know?" asks the young man."Very simple,"
answers the shepherd. "First, you came here without being called.
Second, you charged me a fee to tell me something I already knew, and
third,you don't understand anything about my business.. Now can I
have my DOG back?"

Spilled Milk - Motivational Story

This is a story about a famous research scientist who had made
several very important medical breakthroughs. He was being
interviewed by a newspaper reporter who asked him why he thought he
was able to be so much more creative than the average person. What
set him so far apart from others?He responded that, in his opinion,
it all came from an experience with his mother that occurred when he
was about two years old. He had been trying to remove a bottle of
milk from the refrigerator when he lost his grip on the slippery
bottle and it fell, spilling its contents all over the kitchen floor—
a veritable sea of milk!When his mother came into the kitchen,
instead of yelling at him, giving him a lecture, or punishing him,
she said, "Robert, what a great and wonderful mess you have made! I
have rarely seen such a huge puddle of milk. Well, the damage has
already been done. Would you like to get down and play in the milk
for a few minutes before we clean it up?"Indeed, he did. After a few
minutes, his mother said, "You know, Robert, whenever you make a mess
like this, eventually you have to clean it up and restore everything
to its proper order. So, how would you like to do that?
We could use a sponge, a towel, or a mop. Which do you prefer?" He
chose the sponge and together they cleaned up the spilled milk.His
mother then said, "You know, what we have here is a failed experiment
in how to effectively carry a big milk bottle with two tiny hands.
Let's go out in the back yard and fill the bottle with water and see
if you can discover a way to carry it without dropping it." The
little boy learned that if he grasped the bottle at the top near the
lip with both hands, he could carry it without dropping it. What a
wonderful lesson!This renowned scientist then remarked that it was at
that moment that he knew he didn't need to be afraid to make
mistakes. Instead, he learned that mistakes were just opportunities
for learning something new, which is, after all, what scientific
experiments are all about. Even if the experiment "doesn't work," we
usually learn something valuable from it.

True Logical Statements

1) Whenever you find the key to success, someone changes the lock.

2) To Err is human, but to forgive is not a COMPANY policy.

3) The road to success??.. is always under construction.

4) Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but if you think again,
neither does Milk.

5) In order to get a Loan, you first need to prove that you have
ability to repay back.

6) All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive or
fattening.

7) Since Light travels faster than Sound, people appear brighter
before you hear them speak.

8) Everyone has a scheme of getting rich?.. Which never works.

9) If at first you don't succeed?. Destroy all evidence that you ever
tried.

10) You can never determine which side of the bread to butter. If it
falls down, it will always land on the buttered side.

11) Anything dropped on the floor will roll over to the most
inaccessible corner. 42.7% of all statistics is made on the spot.

12) As soon as you mention something?? If it is good, it is taken?.
If it is bad, it happens.

13) He who has the gold, makes the rules

14) Murphy's golden rule.

If you come early, the bus is late. If you come late?? The bus is
still late.

15) Once you have bought something, you will find the same item being
sold somewhere else at a cheaper rate.

16) When in a queue, the other line always moves faster and the
person in front of you will always have the most complex of
transactions.

17) If you have paper, you don't have a pen. If you have a pen, you
don't have paper. If you have both, no one calls.

18) You will pick up maximum wrong numbers when on roaming.

19) The door bell or your mobile will always ring when you are in the
bathroom.

20) After a long wait for bus no.20, two 20 number buses will always
pull in together and the bus which you get in will be crowded than
the other.

21) If your exam is tomorrow, there will be a power cut tonight.

22) Irrespective of the direction of the wind, the smoke from the
cigarette will always tend to go to the non-smoker.

23) Before borrowing money from a friend, decide whether you need
more.

24) There are three sides to every argument: your side, my side and
the right side.

25) An expert is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes
it sound confusing.

26) Many things can be preserved in alcohol. Dignity is not one of
them.

27) Never argue with a fool.People might not know the difference.

28) When you're right, no one
remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.

29) Always remember
that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.

30) Well done is better than well said .

31) Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make them when nobody is
looking.

32) Where there is a WILL, there is a WAY, Where there is MONEY,
there are many WAYS. Where there is MONEY, there are many FRIENDS and
RELATIVES.

32) Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.

Smart Maid

Maid: What do you want, sir?
Visitor: I want to see your master.
Maid: What.s your business, please?
Visitor: There is a bill...
Maid: Ah! He left yesterday for his village...
Visitor: Which I have to pay him...
Maid: And he returned this morning.

Father and Son Visit

There once was a man who owned a sausage factory, and he was showing
his arrogant preppy son around his factory.
Try as he might to impress his snobbish son, his son would just
sneer. They approached the heart of the factory, where the father
thought,"This should impress him!"
He showed his son a machine and said "Son, this is the heart of the
factory.
With this machine here we can put in a pig, and out come sausages.
The prudish son, unimpressed, said "Yes, but do you have a machine
where you
can put in a sausage and out comes a pig?"
The father, furious, thought and said,
"Yes son, we call it your mother."

My Private Part Died

Mr. Wallace, an old man and living in a nursing home, was very sad
and depressed. Nurse Tracey asked him if anything was wrong.
Mr. Wallace replied that his private part died today and he was very
sad.
Knowing that her patients were a little forgetful and sometimes a
little crazy replied that she was very sorry and please accept her
condolences.
The following day Mr. Wallace was walking down the hall with his
private part hanging out of his pajamas. He met Nurse Tracey who said
he should not be walking down the hall like that and to please put his
private part back inside his pajamas.

Mr. Wallace replied that he could not as he told her
yesterday that his private part died.
Nurse Tracey said yes you did tell me that but why is it hanging out
of your pajamas?
Mr. Wallace replied that today was the viewing!!

Lesson

The teacher was giving her class of seven-year-olds a
natural history lesson.
"Worker ants," she told them,"can carry pieces of food five times their
own weight.

What do you conclude from that?"
Little Pauly: "They don't have a union?"

9 words women use & Their true meaning

(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument
when they are right and you need to shut up.
(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means
a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes
if you have just been given five more minutes to
watch the game before helping around the house.
(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This
means something, and you should be on your toes.
Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't
Do It!
(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-
verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A
loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and
wonders why she is wasting her time standing here
and arguing with you about nothing .
(Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)
(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous
statements a women can make to a man. That's okay
means she wants to think long and hard before
deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
(7) : A woman is thanking you, do not question, or
Faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a
clause here - This is true, unless she says"
a lot" - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not
thanking you at all. In this case, DO NOT say "you're
welcome" that will bring on a "whatever").
(8) Whatever: Is a women's way of saying F* YOU!
(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous
statement, meaning this is something that a woman
has told a man to do several times, but is now doing
it herself. This will later result in a man asking
"What's wrong?" For the woman's response refer to #3.

Smart psychiatrist

A distraught young man made an appointment with a psychiatrist.
"I was out of town on business," he told the doctor," and I
wired (telegram) my wife that I would be coming home on Tuesday, instead
of Wednesday. When I got in I went straight home as fast as
I could, and when I got there I found her in bed with my best
friend!"
The man then broke down into uncontrollable tears.
The doctor considered the problem for a couple of moments then
said, "Maybe she never got your telegram."

Smile Jokes

Doctor to Patient : The check which u gave me has returned back.
Patient to Doctor:The head-ache for which you gave me medicine has
also returned back.

Patient : I always see spots before my eyes.
Doctor : Didn't the new glasses help?
Patient : Sure, Now i see the spots much clearer.!!
After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife, "You know, I was a fool
when I married you."
She replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love & didn't
notice."

Husband to a newly wed Wife.I could go to the end of the world for u,,
wife ,but promise me u will stay there.
Why are Egyptian's Children always confused??
Coz after death, their DADDY
becomes the MUMMY.

The Price of Heroism

A guy walks into heaven and is greeted by heaven's secretary. "Well
hello Mr. Jones", the secretary politely says "We'd love to have you
here, but I'm afraid you can't come in unless you did a good deed in
your life, and your record doesn't show anything. Did you do anything
good?"

"Well recently, I saw this man being mugged by a three huge
gang-bangers. So, I stopped my car,and pulled out my tire iron. Then,
I walked to their leader and hit him hard on the head. After he fell
dead, I looked at the others and said,'Who wants some things like this?"
"That's very brave, and kind. What happened next?" Asked the
celestial secretary.
"I'm here now, aren't I?"

Journalism student

A young journalism student at the University of
Tennessee was assigned to write a human interest
story. He went into the mountains to do some
research.

There, he found an old farmer sitting on his porch,
introduced himself, and explained his mission.
The young man asked, "Has anything ever happened
around here that made you really happy?"
After a moment, the farmer said, "Yeah, one time my
neighbor's daughter, a fine looking gal, got lost. We
formed a posse and found her. After we allscrewed her,
we took her back home."
"I can't print that!" the young man exclaimed. "Can't
you think of anything else that happened that made you
happy?"
The farmer thought for a minute and smiled, "Yep! One
time a neighbor's sheep got lost. We formed a posse
and found it. Then we all screwed it and took it back
home."
Again, the young man said "I can't print that, either.
Let's try another approach. Has anything ever happened
around here that made you really sad?"
The old farmer dropped his head as if he were ashamed,
and after a few seconds he looked up timidly at the
young man and said, "This one time, I got lost..."

Funny Jokes

Generation Next Motto:
Na hum shaadi karenge, na apne bachchon ko karne denge.

******

"U love someone
U marry someone else.
The one u marry becomes ur wife
or husband.
And the one u loved becomes the password of Ur mail id"

******

There's only one perfect child in the world & every mother has
it.
There's only one perfect wife in the world & every neighbour has
it.

******

If someone says u r ugly, its ok, if someone says u r stupid,
its ok,
If someone says u r genius slap him as tight as you can n say
there Is a limit of kidding n u r now crossing the limit.

******

Three dreams of a man:
To be as handsome as his mother thinks.
To be as rich as his child believes.
To have as many women as his wife
suspects...

******
Husband & wife are like liver and kidney. Husband is liver &
wife kidney.
If liver fails, kidney fails. If kidney fails, liver manages
with other kidney.

******

What's the diff between Dava & Daru?
Dava is like girlfriend, that
comes with expiry date and
Daru is like wife, Jitni purani hogi utna sir Chad
ke bolegi.

******
Wife ko Begum kyon kehte hain?
Kyonki shaadi ke baad saare gum to husband
ke hisse mein aate hain
or Wife Be-Gum ho jaat hai.

Smart Boy

A lady lost her handbag during a day of shopping. It was found by an
honest
little boy and returned to her. Looking in her purse, she
commented, "Hmmm....
That's funny. When I lost my bag there was a $20 bill in it. Now there
are
twenty singles."
The boy replied, "That's right, lady. The last time I found
a lady's purse, she didn't have change for a reward."

United Way of a Lawyer

A local United Way office realized that the
organization had never received a donation from the town's most
successful
lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade
him to
contribute.
"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $700,000,
you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the
community in some way?"
The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did
your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness,
and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"
Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um ... no."
The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is
blind and confined to a wheelchair?"

The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but
was interrupted again.
"or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the
lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with
three children?!"

The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had
no idea..."
On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give
any money to them, why should I give any to you?"

Deadly PJ

ONCE A MAN WAS DRIVING HIS CAR THROUGH THE THAR DESERT.HIS
CAR'S
REGISTRATION NUMBER IS "RJD 007".AS HE WAS DRIVING,A CACTUS GOT
STUCK
INTO ONE OF HIS TIRES.SO THE TIRE GETS PUNCTURED AND SOME HOW
THE
LETTER"D" IN THE RJD ALSO FALLS OFF.SO NOW HE HAS TWO PROBLEMS.
1. THE FALLEN LETTER "D".
2. TIRE PUNCTURED.
WHAT DOES HE
DO?...............
...............................
.........................
....

....

....
....

....

....

....
....

....
HE RUNS 5 OR 6 ROUNDS AROUND THE CAR.SO HE BECOMES "TIRED".HE
TAKES
THE "D' FROM 'TIRED' AND PUTS THE "TIRE" IN THE CAR AND "D" ON THE
CAR
NUMBER PLATE. J

Car salesman

Bill decided to try his hand at a new job and secured one as a used car
salesman.
He had no experience in this field but he figured he
could use the old sales pitch that the car was *like
brand-new* and had only been driven by a little old
lady on Sundays. He tried that approach on every
prospective buyer but none seemed to believe him and
no sales were made that day.

His boss was furious and threatened to fire Bill if
he didn't sell any cars the following day.
The following day he decided to change his sales pitch
and sure enough he sold three cars.
The manager of the used car dealership called him over
and asked what he had done to bring about all these
sales.
Bill grinned, "Well they didn't believe my little old
lady story, so I told them that the car had previously
been owned by your daughter who only used the backseat."

Sardar Again

Pakistani, Bangladeshi and OUR Sardar are in a bar one night having a beer.

The Pakistani drinks his beer and suddenly throws his glass in the air, pulls out a gun and shoots the glass to pieces.

He says 'In Islamabad our glasses are so cheap that we don't need to drink from the same one twice.'

The Bangladeshi [obviously impressed by this] drinks his beer, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the glass to pieces.
He says 'In Dhaka we have so much sand to make the glasses that we don't need to drink out of the same glass twice either.'

OUR Sardar, cool as a cucumber, picks up his beer and drinks it, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the Pakistani and Bangladeshi.
He says 'In India we have so many Pakistanis and Bangladeshi that we don't need to drink with the same ones twice.'

Balle balle !!!!

Software Career Growth Meter...Where do you Stand??

Presence of mind

In a shop a man asked for 1/2 kg of butter. The salesperson, a
young boy, said that only 1kg packs were available in the shop, but the
man insisted on buying only 1/2 kg. So the boy went inside to the
manager's room and said "An idiot outside wants to buy only 1/2 kg
of butter". To his surprise, the customer was standing behind him. So
the boy added immediately, "And this gentleman wants to buy the
other half!!!!!!".

After the customer left, the manager said "You have saved your
position by being clever enough at the right time. Where do you
come from?" To this the boy said, "I come from Mexico. The place
consists of only prostitutes and football players!!!!!"

The manager replied coldly, "My wife is also from Mexico".

To this the boy asked excitedly, "Oh yeah? Which team does she play
for?"

So Friends, always Presence of mind help, never panic!!!!!!!!

One Line Humor

[1] Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while
driving.

[2] Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a
referee.

[3] Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right
and the other is the husband!

[4] I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried - but
they wanted cash.

[5] A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've
purchased new school uniforms.

[6] Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.

[7] Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you
cannot live without, but whatever you do, you'll regret it later.

[8] You can't buy love, but you pay heavily for it.

[9] Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.

[10] Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you
get tired.

[11] Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll
take it anyway.

[12] My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she
agrees with me.

[13] Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others.

[14] Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner.

[15] A successful marriage requires falling in love many times,
always with the same person.

[16] You're getting old when you enjoy remembering things more than
doing them.

[17] It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he
still ends up with the same boss.

[18] Real friends are the ones who survive transitions between
address books.

[19] Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents have done
it for you.

[20] Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk
because they have to say something

[21] They call our language the mother tongue because the father
seldom gets to speak!

[22] Man: Is there any way for long life?
Dr: Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but then the thought of long life will never come.

[23]Why do couples hold hands during their wedding? It's a formality
just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!

[24]Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.

[25]It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged. It's
like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered.

[26]There is only one perfect child in the world and every mother has
it.

[27]There is only one perfect wife in the world and every neighbor
has it!

Birth control pills for granny

A doctor who had been seeing an 80-year-old woman for most of her life
finally retired. At her next checkup, the new doctor told her to bring
a list of all the medicines that had been prescribed for her. As the
young doctor looked through the list, his eyes grew wide as he realized
she had a prescription for birth control pills. "Mrs. Smith, do you
realize these are BIRTH CONTROL pills?!?"

"Yes, they help me sleep at night."

"Mrs. Smith, I assure you there is absolutely NOTHING in these that
could possibly help you sleep!"

She reached out and patted the young Doctor's knee. "Yes, dear, I know
that. But every morning, I grind one up and mix it in the glass of
orange juice that my 16-year-old granddaughter drinks... And believe
me, it helps me sleep at night!"

BUY SOME TOILET PAPER

Vincent walks into a store. He says to the salesgirl, "I want to buy
some toilet paper."

She says, "What color?"

He says, "Give me white. I'll color it myself."

BACKSEAT DRIVERS

A man is driving with his wife at his side and his mother-in-law in
the backseat. The women just won't leave him alone.

His mother-in-law says, "You're driving too fast!"

His wife says, "Stay more to the left."

After ten mixed orders, the man turns to his wife and asks, "Who's
driving this car - you or your mother?"

50TH WEDDING ANNIVERSARY

On their 50th wedding anniversary and during the banquet
celebrating it, Bob was asked to give his friends a brief account of
the benefits of a marriage of such long duration.

"Tell us, Bob, just what is it you have learned from all those
wonderful years with your wife?"

Bob responds, "Well, I've learned that marriage is the best teacher
of all. It teaches you loyalty, meekness, forbearance, self restraint,
forgiveness, and a great many other qualities you wouldn't have needed
if you'd stayed single."

7 reasons not to mess with children.

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.

The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow
a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was
very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a
human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".

The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"

The little girl replied, "Then you ask him".
--------------------------------------------

A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while
they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each
child's work.

As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked
what the drawing was.

The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."

The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."

Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl:
replied, "They will in a minute."
--------------------------------------------
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her
five and six year olds.

After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father and thy
Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to
treat our brothers and sisters?"

Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family)
answered, "Thou shall not kill."
--------------------------------------------

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the
dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had
several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her
brunette head.

She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of
your hairs white, Mom?"

Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and
make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."

The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then
said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"
--------------------------------------------

The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to
persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.

"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown
up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael,
He's a doctor.'

A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the
teacher, she's dead."
--------------------------------------------

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying
to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my
head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red
in the face."

"Yes," the class said.

"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary
position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"

A little fellow shouted,
"Cause your feet ain't empty."
--------------------------------------------

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary
school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of
apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:

"Take only ONE. God is watching."

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table
was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.

A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the
apples.
--------------------------------------------

THIS IS TOO SWEET FOR WORDS!!!

A six-year-old boy told his father he wanted to marry the little girl
across the street. The father, being modern and well-schooled in
handling children, hid his smile behind his hand.

"That's a serious step," he said. "Have you thought it out
completely?"

"Yes," his young son answered. "We can spend one week in my room and
the next in hers. It's right across the street, so I can run home if
I get scared of the dark."
"How about transportation?" the father asked.

"I have my wagon, and we both have our tricycles," the little boy
answered. The boy had an answer to every question the father raised.

Finally, in exasperation, his dad asked, "What about babies? When
you're
married, you're liable to have babies, you know."

"We've thought about that, too," the little boy replied. "We're not
going to have babies. Every time she lays an egg, I'm going to step
on it!"

IT sayari

mere... Company kee ladkiyaan sunder hain Aur lonely hain...
Problem ye hai ki bus voh READ-ONLY hain...

Shayad mere pyar ko taste Karna bhool gaye...
Dil sey aisa CUT kiya ke PASTE karna bhool gaye..

Tumhare samne hain itney items Kabhi hame bhi pick karo...
Hamare pyar ke ICON pe Kabhi to tum DOUBLE-CLICK karo...

Roz subha hum karte hai Itne pyar se unhe good morning...
Woh humhe ghoor kar dekhte hain Jaise 0 ERRORS but 5 WARNINGS...

Tumse mila main kal to, Mere dil mein hua ek sound,
Lekin aaj tum mili To kehti ho: Your file not found!

Aysa bhi nahin hai ke, I don't likeyour face
Par dil ke computer mein, Nahin hai enough disk space

Kya chaal hai tumhaari, Jaise chalti hai koi cat
What is your ICQ number, Aao karein chat

Joh sadiyaon se hota aaya hai Woh repeat kar doonga...
Tu naa mili to tujhko dil sey Ctrl+Alt+Delete kar doonga...

Project extend ho gaya to kya ho jaata hai?
Are Tankha milti hai aur timepass ho jata hai..

teri yaad me sanam raat bhar humne to wine piya
teri yaad me sanam raat bhar humne to wine piya
kabhi offline to kabhi online piya

Pyar ke sitaare jab gardish mein hote hai
Pyar ke sitaare jab gardish mein hote hai
Laila ghar mein aur majnoo project testing kar rahe hote hai

Bride from 21st Century!!!!

A newly wed girl was being welcomed at the husband's home in a
traditional manner. She was asked to give a little speech. She
addressed as follows:

"My dear family members, I thank you for welcoming me in my new home
and family", she said "Firstly, with my presence I would not want to
create any inconveniences by my being here. I mean that I don't want
you all to change your way of life, your routine."

"What do you mean my child?" asked the patriarch of the family.

What I mean dad is:

Those who used to wash dishes must carry on washing them.
Those who used to do the laundry must carry on doing it.
Those who cooked shouldn't stop on my account.
Those who used to clean should clean.

As for me, I am here just to entertain your son!

This is called bride from 21st Century!!!!

BEST WAY OF PROPOSING

I feel like cursing you, for all the sleepless nights that you have
given me...

"You?ll have a son, who will go mad behind my daughter, just like the
way I am mad for you"

....but then...

...why trouble those innocent ones...

come lets make them brothers and sisters

How to say I love U in different languages

1. English - I love you
2. Afrikaans - Ek het jou lief
3. Albanian - Te dua
4. Arabic - Ana behibak (to male)
5. Arabic - Ana behibek (to female)
6. Armenian - Yes kez sirumen
7. Bambara - M'bi fe
8. Bengali - Ami tomake bhalobashi (pronounced: Amee toe-ma-kee bhalo-
bashee)
9. Belarusian - Ya tabe kahayu
10. Bisaya - Nahigugma ako kanimo
11. Bulgarian - Obicham
12. Cambodian - Soro lahn nhee ah
13. Cantonese Chinese - Ngo oiy ney a
14. Catalan - T'estimo
15. Cherokee - Tsi ge yu i (Thanks Nancy!)
16. Cheyenne - Ne mohotatse
17. Chichewa - Ndimakukonda
18. Corsican - Ti tengu caru (to male)
19. Creol - Mi aime jou
20. Croatian - Volim te
21. Czech - Miluji te
22. Danish - Jeg Elsker Dig
23. Dutch - Ik hou van jou
24. Elvish - Amin mela lle (from The Lord of The Rings, by J.R.R.
Tolkien)
25. Esperanto - Mi amas vin
26. Estonian - Ma armastan sind
27. Ethiopian - Afgreki'
28. Faroese - Eg elski teg
29. Farsi - Doset daram
30. Filipino - Mahal kita
31. Finnish - Mina rakastan sinua
32. French - Je t'aime, Je t'adore
33. Frisian - Ik hâld fan dy
34. Gaelic - Ta gra agam ort
35. Georgian - Mikvarhar
36. German - Ich liebe dich
37. Greek - S'agapo
38. Gujarati - Hoo thunay prem karoo choo
39. Hiligaynon - Palangga ko ikaw
40. Hawaiian - Aloha Au Ia`oe
41. Hebrew (Thanks Lilach)
42. Hebrew to male: "ani ohev otcha" (said by male) "Ohevet ot'cha"
(said by female)
43. Hebrew to female: "ani ohev otach" (said by male) "ohevet Otach"
(said by female)
44. Hiligaynon - Guina higugma ko ikaw
45. Hindi - Hum Tumhe Pyar Karte hae
46. Hmong - Kuv hlub koj
47. Hopi - Nu' umi unangwa'ta
48. Hungarian - Szeretlek(Thanks Dóra!)
49. Icelandic - Eg elska tig
50. Ilonggo - Palangga ko ikaw
51. Indonesian - Saya cinta padamu
52. Inuit - Negligevapse
53. Irish - Taim i' ngra leat
54. Italian - Ti amo
55. Japanese - Aishiteru
56. Kannada - Naanu ninna preetisuttene
57. Kapampangan - Kaluguran daka
58. Kiswahili - Nakupenda
59. Konkani - Tu magel moga cho
60. Korean - Sarang Heyo
61. Latin - Te amo
62. Latvian - Es tevi miilu
63. Lebanese - Bahibak
64. Lithuanian - Tave myliu
65. Luxembourgeois - Ech hun dech gäer
66. Macedonian - Te Sakam
67. Malay - Saya cintakan mu / Aku cinta padamu
68. Malayalam - Njan Ninne Premikunnu
69. Maltese - Inhobbok
70. Mandarin Chinese - Wo ai ni
71. Marathi - Me tula prem karto
72. Mohawk - Kanbhik
73. Moroccan - Ana moajaba bik
74. Nahuatl - Ni mits neki
75. Navaho - Ayor anosh'ni
76. Norwegian - Jeg Elsker Deg
77. Pandacan - Syota na kita!!
78. Pangasinan - Inaru Taka
79. Papiamento - Mi ta stimabo
80. Persian - Doo-set daaram
81. Pig Latin - Iay ovlay ouyay
82. Polish - Kocham Ciebie
83. Portuguese - Eu te amo
84. Romanian - Te iubesc
85. Russian - Ya tebya liubliu
86. Scot Gaelic - Tha gra\dh agam ort
87. Serbian - Volim te
88. Setswana - Ke a go rata
89. Sign Language - ,\,,/ (represents position of fingers when
signing'I Love You')
90. Sindhi - Maa tokhe pyar kendo ahyan
91. Sioux - Techihhila
92. Slovak - Lu`bim ta
93. Slovenian - Ljubim te
94. Spanish - Te quiero / Te amo
95. Swahili - Ninapenda wewe
96. Swedish - Jag alskar dig
97. Swiss-German - Ich lieb Di
98. Surinam - Mi lobi joe
99. Tagalog - Mahal kita
100. Taiwanese - Wa ga ei li
101. Tahitian - Ua Here Vau Ia Oe
102. Tamil - Nan unnai kathalikaraen
103. Telugu - Nenu ninnu premistunnanu
104. Thai - Chan rak khun (to male)
105. Thai - Phom rak khun (to female)
106. Turkish - Seni Seviyorum
107. Ukrainian - Ya tebe kahayu
108. Urdu - mai aap say pyaar karta hoo
109. Vietnamese - Anh ye^u em (to female)
110. Vietnamese - Em ye^u anh (to male)
111. Welsh - 'Rwy'n dy garu di
112. Yiddish - Ikh hob dikh
113. Yoruba - Mo ni fe