The Funnies On Life

An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he
has been living with for the last 40 years.

The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact
words that were used to put the curse on you." The old man says
without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."
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My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he
was God, and I didn't.

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Marriage is a three ring circus:
Engagement ring,
wedding ring, and
suffering.

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For Sale: Wedding dress,
size 8. Worn once by mistake.

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There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman:
Before marriage and after marriage.

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Why were hurricanes usually named after women?
Because when they arrive, they're wet and wild, but when they go,
they take
your house and car

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Because they had no reservations at a busy restaurant, my elderly
neighbor and his wife were told there would be a 45minute wait for a
table. "Young man, we're both 90 years old," the husband said.
"We may not have 45 minutes." They were seated immediately.

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The reason congressmen try so hard to get
reelected is that they would
hate to have to make a living under the laws
they've passed.

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All eyes were on the radiant bride as her
father escorted her down he aisle. They reached the altar and the
waiting
groom; the bride kissed her father and placed something in his hand.
The
guests in the front pews responded with ripples of laughter. Even the
priest
smiled broadly.

As her father gave her away in marriage, the bride gave him back his
credit card.

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Smith climbs to the top of Mt.Sinai to get close
enough to talk to God. Looking up, he asks the Lord... "God, what
does a
million years
mean to you?" The Lord replies, "A minute."

Smith asks, "And what does a million dollars mean to you?" The Lord
replies, "A penny."

Smith asks, "Can I have a penny?" The Lord replies, "In a
minute."

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John was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully. "Give
me one last request, dear," he said. "Of course, John," his wife said
softly.
"Six months after I die," he said, "I want you to marry Bob." "But
I thought you hated Bob," she said. With his last breath John said,
"I do!"

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