In a shop a man asked for 1/2 kg of butter. The salesperson, a
young boy, said that only 1kg packs were available in the shop, but the
man insisted on buying only 1/2 kg. So the boy went inside to the
manager's room and said "An idiot outside wants to buy only 1/2 kg
of butter". To his surprise, the customer was standing behind him. So
the boy added immediately, "And this gentleman wants to buy the
other half!!!!!!".
young boy, said that only 1kg packs were available in the shop, but the
man insisted on buying only 1/2 kg. So the boy went inside to the
manager's room and said "An idiot outside wants to buy only 1/2 kg
of butter". To his surprise, the customer was standing behind him. So
the boy added immediately, "And this gentleman wants to buy the
other half!!!!!!".
After the customer left, the manager said "You have saved your
position by being clever enough at the right time. Where do you
come from?" To this the boy said, "I come from Mexico. The place
consists of only prostitutes and football players!!!!!"
The manager replied coldly, "My wife is also from Mexico".
To this the boy asked excitedly, "Oh yeah? Which team does she play
for?"
So Friends, always Presence of mind help, never panic!!!!!!!!
[1] Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while
driving.
driving.
[2] Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a
referee.
[3] Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right
and the other is the husband!
[4] I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried - but
they wanted cash.
[5] A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've
purchased new school uniforms.
[6] Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.
[7] Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you
cannot live without, but whatever you do, you'll regret it later.
[8] You can't buy love, but you pay heavily for it.
[9] Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.
[10] Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you
get tired.
[11] Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll
take it anyway.
[12] My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she
agrees with me.
[13] Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others.
[14] Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner.
[15] A successful marriage requires falling in love many times,
always with the same person.
[16] You're getting old when you enjoy remembering things more than
doing them.
[17] It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he
still ends up with the same boss.
[18] Real friends are the ones who survive transitions between
address books.
[19] Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents have done
it for you.
[20] Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk
because they have to say something
[21] They call our language the mother tongue because the father
seldom gets to speak!
[22] Man: Is there any way for long life?
Dr: Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but then the thought of long life will never come.
[23]Why do couples hold hands during their wedding? It's a formality
just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!
[24]Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.
[25]It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged. It's
like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered.
[26]There is only one perfect child in the world and every mother has
it.
[27]There is only one perfect wife in the world and every neighbor
has it!
A doctor who had been seeing an 80-year-old woman for most of her life
finally retired. At her next checkup, the new doctor told her to bring
a list of all the medicines that had been prescribed for her. As the
young doctor looked through the list, his eyes grew wide as he realized
she had a prescription for birth control pills. "Mrs. Smith, do you
realize these are BIRTH CONTROL pills?!?"
finally retired. At her next checkup, the new doctor told her to bring
a list of all the medicines that had been prescribed for her. As the
young doctor looked through the list, his eyes grew wide as he realized
she had a prescription for birth control pills. "Mrs. Smith, do you
realize these are BIRTH CONTROL pills?!?"
"Yes, they help me sleep at night."
"Mrs. Smith, I assure you there is absolutely NOTHING in these that
could possibly help you sleep!"
She reached out and patted the young Doctor's knee. "Yes, dear, I know
that. But every morning, I grind one up and mix it in the glass of
orange juice that my 16-year-old granddaughter drinks... And believe
me, it helps me sleep at night!"
Vincent walks into a store. He says to the salesgirl, "I want to buy
some toilet paper."
some toilet paper."
She says, "What color?"
He says, "Give me white. I'll color it myself."
A man is driving with his wife at his side and his mother-in-law in
the backseat. The women just won't leave him alone.
the backseat. The women just won't leave him alone.
His mother-in-law says, "You're driving too fast!"
His wife says, "Stay more to the left."
After ten mixed orders, the man turns to his wife and asks, "Who's
driving this car - you or your mother?"
On their 50th wedding anniversary and during the banquet
celebrating it, Bob was asked to give his friends a brief account of
the benefits of a marriage of such long duration.
celebrating it, Bob was asked to give his friends a brief account of
the benefits of a marriage of such long duration.
"Tell us, Bob, just what is it you have learned from all those
wonderful years with your wife?"
Bob responds, "Well, I've learned that marriage is the best teacher
of all. It teaches you loyalty, meekness, forbearance, self restraint,
forgiveness, and a great many other qualities you wouldn't have needed
if you'd stayed single."
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