A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl tells him that after dinner, she would like to have sex with him for the first time.
The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacy to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy for about half an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy a 3-pack, 10-pack or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.
That night, the boy shows up at the girls parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents! Come on in!"
The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."
The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist!"
A young lady had just visited her doctor and he informed her
that she was pregnant. The young lady had been married for
ten years and had wanted a baby very badly. As she sat on
the bus, on her way home, she felt that she had to share the
good news with someone. The gentleman sitting next to her
seemed as good as anyone to share the good news with.
Sir, she said, I just received the best news you could ever
imagine. I have to share it with someone or I'll bust. She told
him the news that the doctor had told her about being pregnant.
The man shared her enthusiasm as he shared his experience.
He said he was a farmer and he had trouble with his hens
laying eggs. He stated that he went out to the hen house one
morning and all of his hens had laid eggs. He was so happy.
he added, "but confidentially, I changed cocks."
The newly pregnant woman responded, "Confidentially, me
too."
that she was pregnant. The young lady had been married for
ten years and had wanted a baby very badly. As she sat on
the bus, on her way home, she felt that she had to share the
good news with someone. The gentleman sitting next to her
seemed as good as anyone to share the good news with.
Sir, she said, I just received the best news you could ever
imagine. I have to share it with someone or I'll bust. She told
him the news that the doctor had told her about being pregnant.
The man shared her enthusiasm as he shared his experience.
He said he was a farmer and he had trouble with his hens
laying eggs. He stated that he went out to the hen house one
morning and all of his hens had laid eggs. He was so happy.
he added, "but confidentially, I changed cocks."
The newly pregnant woman responded, "Confidentially, me
too."
A veterinarian surgeon had had a hell of a day, but when he got home from tending to all the sick animals his wife was waiting with a long cool drink and a romantic candle-lit dinner, after which they had a few more drinks and went happily to bed.
At about 2:00 in the morning, the phone rang. "Is this the vet?" asked an elderly lady's voice.
"Yes, it is", replied the vet, "Is this an emergency?"
"Well, sort of", said the elderly lady, "there's a whole bunch of cats on the roof outside making a terrible noise mating and I can't get to sleep. What can I do about it?"
There was a sharp intake of breath from the vet, who then patiently replied "Open the window and tell them they're wanted on the phone"
"Really?" said the elderly lady, "Will that will that stop them?"
"Should do," said the vet, "- IT STOPPED ME!"
At about 2:00 in the morning, the phone rang. "Is this the vet?" asked an elderly lady's voice.
"Yes, it is", replied the vet, "Is this an emergency?"
"Well, sort of", said the elderly lady, "there's a whole bunch of cats on the roof outside making a terrible noise mating and I can't get to sleep. What can I do about it?"
There was a sharp intake of breath from the vet, who then patiently replied "Open the window and tell them they're wanted on the phone"
"Really?" said the elderly lady, "Will that will that stop them?"
"Should do," said the vet, "- IT STOPPED ME!"
Three guys and a lady were sitting at the bar talking about their professions.
The first guy says " I'm a Y.U.P.P.I.E, you know... Young, Urban, Professional, Peaceful, Intelligent, Ecologist."
The second guy says "I'm a D.I.N.K, you know... Double Income, No Kids."
The third guy says, " I'm a R.U.B, you know... Rich, Urban, Biker."
They turn to the woman and ask her, " What are you? "
She replies: " I'm a WIFE, you know... Wash, Iron, Fuck, Etc."
The first guy says " I'm a Y.U.P.P.I.E, you know... Young, Urban, Professional, Peaceful, Intelligent, Ecologist."
The second guy says "I'm a D.I.N.K, you know... Double Income, No Kids."
The third guy says, " I'm a R.U.B, you know... Rich, Urban, Biker."
They turn to the woman and ask her, " What are you? "
She replies: " I'm a WIFE, you know... Wash, Iron, Fuck, Etc."
A fellow was reading the paper one day lamenting the fact that his
doctor has ordered him to lose 75 pounds. Next thing he sees is an
advertisement for a guaranteed weight loss program. Guaranteed like
heck, he thinks to himself. But lets see what they think they can do.
He calls them on the phone and subscribes to the 3 day, 10 LB weight
loss program.
The next day there comes a knock at his door, and when he answers,
there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic 19 year old babe
dressed in nothing but a pair of Nikes and a sign hanging around her
neck. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss
company. The sign reads, If you can catch me, you can have me. Well,
without a second thought he takes off after her (like who wouldn't).
A few miles later, huffing and puffing, he finally catches her and has
his way with her. After they are through he kisses the girl one last
time and thinks to himself with a nod, I like the way this company
does business.
For the next two days, the same girl shows up and the same thing
happens each time. On the fourth day, he weighs himself and, sure
enough, he has lost 10 pounds. Deciding that he likes his somewhat
more slender physique, not to mention the method of treatment, he
calls the company back and subscribes to their 5 day, 20 LB weight
loss program. He thinks that losing 20 pounds in only 5 days seems
like a lot, but he is intrigued by what their workout schedule might
be like this time.
As expected, the next day there comes a knock at his door. When he
answers it there stands a 22 year old knockout dressed in nothing but
a pair of Reeboks and a sign hanging around her neck. She is simply
stunning, the most beautiful woman he has ever seen. She introduces
herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign
reads, If you can catch me, you can have me. He's out the door like a
shot. This gal is in excellent shape and it takes a while to catch
her. But when he does, it is worth every cramp and wheeze. She is
wonderful, the best he has ever had. He is really looking forward to
the next four days... For the next four days, the same girl shows up
and the same thing happens each time, much to his delight. On the
sixth day, he weighs himself and, unbelievably, he has lost another 20
pounds. I love this company, he thinks to himself, I never knew
losing weight could be so easy and so much fun.
Feeling much better about himself, he decides to go for broke and
subscribe to the companies 7 day, 50 pound weight loss program. Are
you sure, sir? asks the representative on the phone. This is our most
rigorous program. Absolutely, says he, I love your program. haven't
felt this good in years! The next day there comes a knock at his
door and he enthusiastically answers it. There stands before him a 200
pound perfect specimen of a man dressed in nothing but racing spikes
and a sign around his neck. He introduces himself as a representative
of the weight loss company.
The sign reads, If I can catch you, I can have you.
doctor has ordered him to lose 75 pounds. Next thing he sees is an
advertisement for a guaranteed weight loss program. Guaranteed like
heck, he thinks to himself. But lets see what they think they can do.
He calls them on the phone and subscribes to the 3 day, 10 LB weight
loss program.
The next day there comes a knock at his door, and when he answers,
there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic 19 year old babe
dressed in nothing but a pair of Nikes and a sign hanging around her
neck. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss
company. The sign reads, If you can catch me, you can have me. Well,
without a second thought he takes off after her (like who wouldn't).
A few miles later, huffing and puffing, he finally catches her and has
his way with her. After they are through he kisses the girl one last
time and thinks to himself with a nod, I like the way this company
does business.
For the next two days, the same girl shows up and the same thing
happens each time. On the fourth day, he weighs himself and, sure
enough, he has lost 10 pounds. Deciding that he likes his somewhat
more slender physique, not to mention the method of treatment, he
calls the company back and subscribes to their 5 day, 20 LB weight
loss program. He thinks that losing 20 pounds in only 5 days seems
like a lot, but he is intrigued by what their workout schedule might
be like this time.
As expected, the next day there comes a knock at his door. When he
answers it there stands a 22 year old knockout dressed in nothing but
a pair of Reeboks and a sign hanging around her neck. She is simply
stunning, the most beautiful woman he has ever seen. She introduces
herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign
reads, If you can catch me, you can have me. He's out the door like a
shot. This gal is in excellent shape and it takes a while to catch
her. But when he does, it is worth every cramp and wheeze. She is
wonderful, the best he has ever had. He is really looking forward to
the next four days... For the next four days, the same girl shows up
and the same thing happens each time, much to his delight. On the
sixth day, he weighs himself and, unbelievably, he has lost another 20
pounds. I love this company, he thinks to himself, I never knew
losing weight could be so easy and so much fun.
Feeling much better about himself, he decides to go for broke and
subscribe to the companies 7 day, 50 pound weight loss program. Are
you sure, sir? asks the representative on the phone. This is our most
rigorous program. Absolutely, says he, I love your program. haven't
felt this good in years! The next day there comes a knock at his
door and he enthusiastically answers it. There stands before him a 200
pound perfect specimen of a man dressed in nothing but racing spikes
and a sign around his neck. He introduces himself as a representative
of the weight loss company.
The sign reads, If I can catch you, I can have you.
One day in the great forest a magical frog was walking down to a water hole. This forest was so big that the frog had never seen another animal in all his life. By chance today a bear was chasing after a rabbit to have for dinner.
The frog called for the two to stop. The frog said, "Because you are the only two animals I have seen, I will grant you both three wishes. Bear, you go first." The bear thought for a minute, and being the male he was, said, "I wish for all the bears in this forest, besides me, to be female."
For his wish, the rabbit asked for a crash helmet, and immediately put it on. The bear was amazed at the stupidity of the rabbit, wasting his wish like that.
It was the bear's second turn for a wish. "Well, I wish that all the bears in the next forest were female as well."
The rabbit asked for a motorcycle and immediately hopped on it and gunned the engine. The bear was shocked that the rabbit was asking for these stupid things, after all, he could have asked for money and bought the motorcycle.
For the last wish the bear thought for awhile and then said, "I wish that all the bears in the world, besides me, were female."
The rabbit grinned, gunned the engine, and said, "I wish that the bear was gay."
The frog called for the two to stop. The frog said, "Because you are the only two animals I have seen, I will grant you both three wishes. Bear, you go first." The bear thought for a minute, and being the male he was, said, "I wish for all the bears in this forest, besides me, to be female."
For his wish, the rabbit asked for a crash helmet, and immediately put it on. The bear was amazed at the stupidity of the rabbit, wasting his wish like that.
It was the bear's second turn for a wish. "Well, I wish that all the bears in the next forest were female as well."
The rabbit asked for a motorcycle and immediately hopped on it and gunned the engine. The bear was shocked that the rabbit was asking for these stupid things, after all, he could have asked for money and bought the motorcycle.
For the last wish the bear thought for awhile and then said, "I wish that all the bears in the world, besides me, were female."
The rabbit grinned, gunned the engine, and said, "I wish that the bear was gay."
Everybody knows the famous under creek/sea tunnel joining England and France. Before it's construction, the tenders were invited from various construction companies by giving newspaper ads throughout the world. Banta Singh came across one such ad and he decided to fill the tender. On the day of opening the tenders everybody was surprised to find Banta Singh's tender at it's very lowest. Other tenders were quoting billions of pounds, Banta Sing had offered to do the job for just 10000 pounds. Now , as per the rule Banta was to get the contract. Before giving works order to Banta Singh, the officer asked BantaSingh as to how he could afford to work at such a low budget. Banta Singh said,"look, back home, there is my brother, Santa Singh.I will call him here. We will take two shovels. I will start diging from English bank and Santa Singh will start digging from French bank. The moment we meet, you get a tunnel." The dumbstruck officer asked with courage," and if you don't meet?" Banta Singh replied," then you will get two tunnels in same cost."
1. A Sardar took an answering machine home and fixed it home somewhere in Rajasthan,but two days later disconnected it because he was getting complaints like "Saala phone utha ke bolta hai ghar pe nahin hai" ( "he picks up the receiver and then says he is not at home" )
2. This sardarji goes to the see Jurassic Park and when the Dinosaurs start approaching he is cowering in his seat when his friend asks him "kyon sardarji, kya baat hai? Dar kyon lag raha hai cinema hi to hai" Sardarji replies "Aadmi hoon aur akkal hai, pata hai ki cinema hai lekin voh to janwar hai, usko kya pata "
3. Sardarji is trying to commit suicide on the railway tracks and he takes along some wine and chicken with him. Somebody stops him and asks "kyon bhai, ye sab kyon leke baithe ho?" Sardarji replies "Saali train late aati hai kahin bhook se na marjaun"
2. This sardarji goes to the see Jurassic Park and when the Dinosaurs start approaching he is cowering in his seat when his friend asks him "kyon sardarji, kya baat hai? Dar kyon lag raha hai cinema hi to hai" Sardarji replies "Aadmi hoon aur akkal hai, pata hai ki cinema hai lekin voh to janwar hai, usko kya pata "
3. Sardarji is trying to commit suicide on the railway tracks and he takes along some wine and chicken with him. Somebody stops him and asks "kyon bhai, ye sab kyon leke baithe ho?" Sardarji replies "Saali train late aati hai kahin bhook se na marjaun"
Husband & Wife - Why divorce?
In a divorce court a woman requested the judge: "Your honor, I want todivorce my husband."
"But why ?" asked the judge. She replied, "Because he is not faithfulto me."
The judge asked, "How do you know ?" She replied, "My lord, not asingle child resembles him."
*********
Husband & Wife - Love Your Enemy
From his death bed, the husband called his wife and said, "One monthafter I die I want you to marry Samy."
"Samy! But he is your enemy !" "Yes, I know that ! I've suffered allthese years so let him suffer now."
Husband & Wife - Talk About Husband
One woman told another : "My neighbour is always speaking ill of herhusband, but look at me, my husband is foolish, lazy and a coward; buthave I ever said anything bad about him?"
*********
Husband & Wife - Love To Do
A wife, one evening, drew her husband's attention to the couple nextdoor and said,
"Do you see that couple? How devoted they are? He kisses her everytime they meet. Why don't you do that?"
"I would love to." Replied the husband. "But I don't know her wellenough."
*********
Husband & Wife - No Answer Back
A man was telling his friends, "When my wife is infuriated, she startsshouting at me, my children and even at our dogs and nobody daresanswer her."
One of his friends asked."And when you are angry, what do you do?" Theman replied, "I also shout angrily at the windows and doors of thehouse and none of them dares to answer back.
*********
Husband & Wife - Come Home Late
A woman was complaining to the neighbour that her husband always camehome late, no matter how she tried to stop him.
"Take my advice," said the neighbour, "and do what I did. Once myhusband came home at three o'clock in the morning, and from my bed Icalled out: "Is that you, Jim?" And that cured him.
"Cured him !" asked the woman, "but how?" The neighbour said, "Yousee, his name is Bill."
*********
Husband & Wife - Problem Father
"You looked troubled," I told my friend, "what's your problem?" Hereplied,
"I'm going to be a father." "But that's wonderful," I said. "What'swonderful? My wife doesn't know about it yet
In a divorce court a woman requested the judge: "Your honor, I want todivorce my husband."
"But why ?" asked the judge. She replied, "Because he is not faithfulto me."
The judge asked, "How do you know ?" She replied, "My lord, not asingle child resembles him."
*********
Husband & Wife - Love Your Enemy
From his death bed, the husband called his wife and said, "One monthafter I die I want you to marry Samy."
"Samy! But he is your enemy !" "Yes, I know that ! I've suffered allthese years so let him suffer now."
Husband & Wife - Talk About Husband
One woman told another : "My neighbour is always speaking ill of herhusband, but look at me, my husband is foolish, lazy and a coward; buthave I ever said anything bad about him?"
*********
Husband & Wife - Love To Do
A wife, one evening, drew her husband's attention to the couple nextdoor and said,
"Do you see that couple? How devoted they are? He kisses her everytime they meet. Why don't you do that?"
"I would love to." Replied the husband. "But I don't know her wellenough."
*********
Husband & Wife - No Answer Back
A man was telling his friends, "When my wife is infuriated, she startsshouting at me, my children and even at our dogs and nobody daresanswer her."
One of his friends asked."And when you are angry, what do you do?" Theman replied, "I also shout angrily at the windows and doors of thehouse and none of them dares to answer back.
*********
Husband & Wife - Come Home Late
A woman was complaining to the neighbour that her husband always camehome late, no matter how she tried to stop him.
"Take my advice," said the neighbour, "and do what I did. Once myhusband came home at three o'clock in the morning, and from my bed Icalled out: "Is that you, Jim?" And that cured him.
"Cured him !" asked the woman, "but how?" The neighbour said, "Yousee, his name is Bill."
*********
Husband & Wife - Problem Father
"You looked troubled," I told my friend, "what's your problem?" Hereplied,
"I'm going to be a father." "But that's wonderful," I said. "What'swonderful? My wife doesn't know about it yet
A lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured
them against, among other things, fire. Within a month, having smoked
his entire stockpile of these great cigars and without yet having made
even his first premium payment on the policy the lawyer filed a claim
against the insurance company. In his claim, the lawyer stated the
cigars were lost 'in a series of small fires.' The insurance company
refused to pay, citing the obvious reason, that the man had consumed the
cigars in the normal fashion. The lawyer sued and WON!
Delivering the ruling, the judge agreed with the insurance company that
the claim was frivolous. The judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer
held a policy from the company, which it had warranted that the cigars
were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against
fire, without defining what is considered to be unacceptable 'fire' and
was obligated to pay the claim.
Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance
company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000 to the lawyer for his loss
of the cigars lost in the 'fires'.
NOW FOR THE BEST PART..
After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had him
arrested on 24 counts of ARSON! With his own insurance claim and
testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was
convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was
sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.
This is a true story and was the First Place winner in the recent
Criminal Lawyers Award Contest.
them against, among other things, fire. Within a month, having smoked
his entire stockpile of these great cigars and without yet having made
even his first premium payment on the policy the lawyer filed a claim
against the insurance company. In his claim, the lawyer stated the
cigars were lost 'in a series of small fires.' The insurance company
refused to pay, citing the obvious reason, that the man had consumed the
cigars in the normal fashion. The lawyer sued and WON!
Delivering the ruling, the judge agreed with the insurance company that
the claim was frivolous. The judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer
held a policy from the company, which it had warranted that the cigars
were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against
fire, without defining what is considered to be unacceptable 'fire' and
was obligated to pay the claim.
Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance
company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000 to the lawyer for his loss
of the cigars lost in the 'fires'.
NOW FOR THE BEST PART..
After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had him
arrested on 24 counts of ARSON! With his own insurance claim and
testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was
convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was
sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.
This is a true story and was the First Place winner in the recent
Criminal Lawyers Award Contest.
A young couple got married and left on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother. Her mother asked, "How was the honeymoon?"
"Oh, Mum," she replied, "the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic..."
Suddenly she burst out crying. "But, Mum, as soon as we returned Nasir started using the most horrible language...things I'd never heard before! I mean, all these awful 4-letter words! You've got to come get me and take me home.... Please Mum!"
"Rahat," her mother said, "calm down! Tell me, what could be so awful? What 4-letter words?"
"Please don't make me tell you, Mum," wept the daughter, "I'm so embarrassed, they're just too awful! Come get me, please!"
"Darling, you must tell me what has you so upset. Tell your mother these horrible 4-letter words!"
Still sobbing, the bride said, "Oh, Mum, they were words like dust, wash, iron, cook!"
A man was reading the paper when an ad caught his eye: Rs 5000 Toyata! New! The man thought that it was very unusual to sell a Toyota for Rs 5000, and he thought it might be a joke, but thought it was worth a shot.
So he went to the lady's house in Defence and sure enough, she had an almost brand new Toyota.
"Wow!" the man said. "Can I take it for a test drive?"
Unlike what he expected, the man found that the car ran perfectly and took it back to the lady's house.
"Why are you selling me this great Toyota for only Rs 5000?"
"My husband just ran off with his secretary, and he told me I could have the house and the furniture as long as I sold his Toyota and sent him the money."
Two strangers were seated next to each other on the plane when the guy turned to a beautiful blonde and made his move by saying " Let's talk. I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."
The blonde, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly, and said to the guy, " What would you like to discuss?"
"Oh, I don't know," said the player. " How about nuclear power?"
" Ok," said the blonde. "That could be an interesting topic, but let me ask you a question first.- A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass, the same stuff, yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out flat patties, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"
"Oh hell," said the guy " I have no idea."
Well said the blonde, "How is it then you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?"
A woman is frustrated with her love life because her husband has a massive crush on Brigette Bardot. To win back his attentions, she goes to a tattooist to have the letters 'BB' tattooed to her Boobs.
The tattooist warns her that age and gravity would probably make this unattractive later in life, and suggests the tattoo on her ass instead.
She agrees, and bends over to receive a 'B' on each buttock. When her husband gets home from work that night, she greets him by turning around, bending over, and lifting her dress to expose the art work. "What do you think?" the wife says.
"Uh, who the hell is Bob?" the husband replies.
A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards.
The little boy asked why he wore his collar that way. The man, who was a priest, said, "I am a Father."
The little boy replied, "My Daddy doesn't wear his collar like that."
The priest looked up from his book and answered, "I am the Father of many."
The boy replied, "My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he doesn't wear his collar that way."
The priest getting impatient said, "I am the Father of hundreds," and went back to reading his book.
The little boy sat quietly . . . but on leaving the bus he leaned over and said, "Well, may be you should wear your pants backwards instead of your collar."
Mr. Hamd, the biology instructor at a posh suburban girl's junior college, said during class, "Miss Robina, would you please name the organ of the human body, which under the appropriate conditions, expands to six times its normal size, and define the conditions."
Miss Robina gasped, then said freezingly, "Mr. Hamid, I don't think that is a proper question to ask me. I assure you my parents will hear of this." With that she sat down red-faced.
Unperturbed, Mr. Hamid called on Miss Javarai and asked the same question. Miss Javaria, with composure, replied, "The pupil of the eye, in dim light."
"Correct," said Mr. Hamid.
"And now, Miss Robina, I have three things to say to you.
One, you have not studied your lesson.
Two, you have a dirty mind.
And three, you will some day be faced with a dreadful disappointment."
My joy touched mountainous height On my first wedding night They call it honey moon, Which we were to observe soon. At midnight I entered the room With my handsome bride groom. He closed the door, from inside And kissed me, that is his bride. Sitting on the bed he asked me to come Out of shame, I kept mum. As if I were dead He pulled me on the bed. With a smile he gazed at me I put my head on knee. I was to lift my head And lie on the bed. I did it accordingly he took it smilingly, Lying alongside, he touched my thigh And left a deep sigh. He is surveying my body, with eyes and touch With which, he appeared to be amused much. He began showering kisses And said "How beautiful is my Mrs." He drew me nearer and nearer I am experiencing fear and terror. Do all men do this? Love, embrace and kiss. He embraced me with love And lifted me above. His heart is beating on one side, and mind on other side. His kisses were warm, And full of charm. Putting hands on my hips, He tasted my lips. So far in the past, My blood never ran so fast. I blushed a lot, Besides feeling hot. Then a moment came, I felt much shame. He was busy like bees, And pulled sari over my knees. On the spot ,there was no hair, As I removed it with a shear. His hands are moving thigh to cunt, Which I felt like electric current. His action made me warm and bold, Soon his penis was in my hold. I took his organ in my hand, Which was warm like desert sand. He started at my legs, Just as a pauper begs. He compared them with pine, More charming and more fine. He looked me very smart, At the very start. He was mad, And I was glad. He pulled my sari more, But could not reach the shore. The knot was tight To open, he had to fight. Then he attacked the upper part, Which was breast guard. He held above the breast very tight, With pain, I cried slight. He cared not for my pain, And went on like an unsane. After removing the brassieres, he found My breasts, pointed and round. He pressed them hard, neglecting my shout My delicate breasts were not out. I raised an alarm again, But I felt charm in pain. Neglecting my cries, he continued It was difficult to change his attitude. He hold me to " bear the pain and do not mind, At the moment I am blind. Putting mouth on the nipples, he began to suck And called it essential before fuck. I was naked as I was born All the clothes were thrown. I was naked from head to feet He praised me , clear and neat. He also removed his cloths, Naked we were both. Lenghthy and thick was his prick, Not less than a bamboo stick. He was looking his penis, With delight and eagerness. He clung to me, Like a snake on tree. He started at my cunt, Which he was next to hunt. In this war, my cunt would burst, And he was to quench with thirst. Subsequent strokes were Harder and harder. In a few strokes my hymen was teared, And block road was cleared. Then his prick was into its full length, I was wondering about his strength. I now enjoyed the game, There was no pain and shame. I asked to put the whole prick inside He said" It is already in, nothing is outside". I was now not coward Moving my hand backward and forward. He was also performing his role, And put his finger in my hole. He then stopped his act, What he will do, I knew the act. My cunt was hot like fire, Being woman, I could not express my desire. After a while I became more sexy, Flexy and vexy. He then lifted my legs high, And put his on the thigh. There was movement in my clitoris, As if inviting his penis. With the fingers the last way devided And desiring, I could not get frightened. He placed his penis on it And gave a light jerk to fit. As a part of axis entered Here, now our attention centered. Our legs entangled with each other, Before progressing further. It was like a hidden treasure, Which gave me a heavenly pleasure. He held me tight in his arms, His kisses were ruthless and warm. He caught my tongue with his teeth, And pressed my chin length. On my level he cast a kiss And called it a thing never to miss. His prick was in full erection, Moving in upward and downward direction. With strength he pushed his penis in my hole, Which has shaked my body and soul. Please be soft, I made humble requests, He said" false culprit, the policeman arrests". Before coitus, i could never imagine, How such a lengthy lump would fit in. But now I found his penis short in size, Undoubtedly, after experience one is wise. From pain, I was freed, And he was fucking with speed. He was fucking much faster, With joy I clung to my master. Then he gave a last but strong jerk, Which ment, he finished his work. At last he reached to his peak, And attained what he wanted to seek. The penis poured fluid in my hole, Which was real satisfaction to my soul. He kept lying upon me silently, But slipped after a while, though reluctantly. A lot blood has spilled On my cunt, his penis and bed. I asked him to where from the blood came, He told "It is the out come of the game". It does come during first inter course, Whether one is fucked softly or with force.
A new Marine Captain was assigned to a recon company in a remote post in the Iraqi desert. During his first inspection, he noticed a camel hitched up behind the mess tent. He asked the First Sergeant why the camel was kept there. "Well, sir," replied the sergeant, "as you know, there are 250 men here and no women. And sir, sometimes the men have urges. That's why we have the camel, Sir." The Captain said, "I can't say that I condone this, but I understand about urges, so the camel can stay." About a month later, the Captain started having a real problem with his own urges, and asked the First Sergeant to bring the camel to his tent. Putting a stool behind the camel, the Captain stood on it, pulled down his pants and had sex with the camel. When he was done, he asked the First Sergeant, "Is that how the men do it?" "Uh, no sir," the First Sergeant replied. "They usually just ride the camel into town."
An office manager was given the task of hiring an individual to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of resumes, he found four people who were equally qualified. He decided to call the four in and ask them one question and their answer would determine who would get the job. The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table, the interviewer asked, "What is the fastest thing you know of?" pointing to the man on his right. The first man replied: "A thought. It pops into your head. There's no forewarning that it's on the way, it's just there. A thought is the fastest thing I know of." "That's very good!" replied the interviewer. "And now you sir," he asked the second man. "Hmm... let me see... A blink! It comes and goes and you don't know it ever happened. A blink is the fastest thing I know of." "Excellent!" said the interviewer "The blink of an eye. That's a very popular cliché for speed." He then turned to the third man who was contemplating his reply. "Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there's a light switch, when you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light at the barn comes on in an instant. Turning on a light is the fastest thing I can think of." The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and thought he had found his man. "It's hard to beat the speed of light." he said. Turning to the fourth man, he posed the question. "After hearing the three previous answers, it's obvious to me that the fastest thing known is diarrhea" he said. "WHAT!?" said the interviewer, stunned by the response. "Oh I can explain." he said. "You see, the other day I wasn't feeling so well and ran for the bathroom. But, before I could think, blink or turn on the light, I shit my pants!"
22. Use Nope for No and Yep for Yes.
21. Tries to use credit card in road side hotel.
20. Drinks and carries mineral water and always speaks of health conscious.
19. Sprays deo such so that he doesn't need to take bath.
18. Sneezes and says 'Excuse me'.
17. Says "Hey" instead of "Hi". Says "Yogurt" instead says "Curds". Says "Cab" instead of "Taxi". Says "Candy" instead of "Chocolate". Says "Cookie" instead of "Biscuit". Says " Free Way " instead of "Highway". Says "got to go" instead of "Have to go". Says "Oh" instead of "Zero", (for 704, says Seven Oh Four Instead of Seven Zero Four)
16. Doesn't forget to crib about air pollution. Keeps cribbing every time he steps out.
15. Says all the distances in Miles (Not in Kilo Meters), and counts in Millions. (Not in Lakhs)
14. Tries to figure all the prices in Dollars as far as possible (but deep down the heart multiplies by 40 times).
13. Tries to see the % of fat on the cover of a milk pocket.
12. When need to say Z (zed), never says Z (Zed), repeats "Zee" several times, if the other person unable to get, then says X, Y Zee(but never says Zed)
11. Writes date as MM/DD/YYYY, on watching traditional DD/MM/YYYY, says "Oh! British Style!!!!"
10. Makes fun of Indian Standard Time and Indian Road Conditions.
9. Even after 2 months, complaints about "Jet Lag".
8. Avoids eating more chili (hot) stuff.
7. Tries to drink "Diet Coke", instead of Normal Coke.
6.. Tries to complain about any thing in India as if he is experiencing it for the first time.
5. Pronounces "schedule" as "skejule", and "module" as "mojule".
4. Looks suspiciously towards Hotel/Dhaba food.
Few more important
3. From the luggage bag, does not remove the stickers of Airways by which he traveled back to India , even after 4 months of arrival.
2. Takes the cabin luggage bag to short visits in India, tries to roll the bag on Indian Roads.
Ultimate one: 1. Tries to begin conversation with "In US ...." or "When I was in US..." :)
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Word to Word true………
Reminds us of those College days.... years of non-stop masti... day
afterday...
Content
1. On being Late
2. During the lecture
3. Lab
4. Unit Test
5. For attendance (less attendance isliye attendance badane ke liye
bahane)
6. Late submission of assignments
7. After exam
8. VIVA (b4 exam)
9. VIVA (General)
10. Submission
11. A convo:
12. Exam
1. On being Late
"BHUDDA KAB AAYA?"
"Attendance ho gayakya??"
"Kal raat der tak gappe marte rahe yaar"
"Mein kya karu, Kumar bathroom mein ghusa hua tha"
"Aab nind nahi khuli to mein kya karu.......... bolna ....... kal kya
padaya tha sir ne"
"Kal se pakka class karunga"
"Ek page de na........... abe pen bhi to de......."
"Kal proxy mara tha kya"
"Yaar iss class ke liye koi subah kaise aa sakta hai........"
2. During the lecture
"Yesss!!!! Sir.........The answer is
.....huuuummmmm.......aaaaaaaa............"
"No sir.....I know the answer ........sir...."
"Saala apne aapko Newtonsamajta hai"
"Abe lecture ko chod..... Anjali kya lag rahi hai aaj........"
"Uske bagal mein nahi baith sakta tha.......gadha......."
"mera assignment tere paas hai??"
"Sirrr.... basssss..... bass sirrrr"
"Kya bore ho raha hai. Bola tha cigarette pene chalte hain ."
"Heads, we go canteen , Tails, we go canteen now!!!"
"Boss class khatam hote hi chai chahiye......"
3. Lab
"Expt. 2 likha??"
"Idhar Karna kya hai??"
"Yeh bhai.....mereko aata to tere pass kyon aata........"
"Areee tu to bura maan gaya........data dikha na........."
4. Unit Test
"Unit test???? .......Aree yaar....... "
"Kya....... abe unit test mein itna topic hai to annual mein kya
hoga...."
"Boss..... hogaya.......aur nahi ho sakta........jaan nahi de
sakta......."
"Oh !!! Itna syllabus cover ho gaya?"
"Aaj kounsa test hai?"
"Oye Sanjiv kaha hai......uska roll number mere baad hai.......wo nahi
aaya to mein pakka fail...."
After test......
"yaar pada tha....recall nahi kar paya.......chhod na .......
Canteenchalega..."
5. For attendance (less attendance isliye attendance badane ke liye
bahane)
"I was in the class, lecturer mark karna bhool gaya"
"Oye usko thoda khushkar list se tera naam hata dega........."
"Bola tha proxy regularly maar........ Saaletera class karne ka kya
faida hua....."
6. Late submission of assignments
"Maineukko bola thaa ki copy karke mera assgnment bhi saath mein submit
kar dena"
"Last date extend hua thaa"
"I didn't know the last date"
"Ab mein kya karu wo mereko bole bina hi submit kar diya......."
"They should allow XEROX........"
7 . After exam
"Yeh bhi syllabus mein thaa kya?"
"Achha !!! ye aise hota hai kya?"
"Ye subject ka reference book kounsa hai"
"1st mein 3 marks.....2nd mein 0.......3rd mein 2.......
Gaya...........fail pakka......."
"Yaar notice lagte hi faad dena........wo kya soochegi mera marks dekh
kar......"
8 . VIVA (b4 exam)
"Submission ab tak hua nahi hai , VIVA kya ghanta doonga"
"Aeee......Rohit.....terese kya poocha........"
"External ke ghar mein bacche nahi hai kya......."
"Dekh Boss!! external bhi aadmi hai. Usko pata hai students ka ab tak
preparation nahi hua hai"
9 .. VIVA (General)
"Dekh , tu jo bhi padhega , woh (external) tereko woh nahi
poochhnewaala, then watz the point"
"Roll no.. 1 aur 2 ka watt laga diya hai"
"External is asking BermudaTriangle ka Magnetic force kitna hai"
"Ye kounse unit mein aata hai"
10 . Submission
"Ye bhi chhapna hai kya?"
"Iska bhi print-out lena hai kya?"
"Jai ho computer baba ki......jai ho Ctrl C - Ctrl V ki......."
"Tujhe Sir ka sign aata hai kya?"
11 . A convo:
"Ye tune kya likha hai????"
(The best one)
"Jo word samajh mein aa raha hai woh likh, jo nahi samajh mein aa raha
hai …uska drawing nikal"
"Phir bhi, kuch to idea hoga??"
" Maine uska likha hai, mera assignment check ho gaya , tu bhi wohi
kar.."
"Koi hint........."
"Are baba ghasit de........na tu samjega na wo........"
12. Exam
"Jo (mujhe) aata hai, woh (paper mein)aata nahi hai; jo nahi aata hai
woh aata hai"
"ye question 2 saal se nahi poochha hai"
"ye last time hi poochha thaa"
"tere paas is ke notes hai??"
"woh chapter... mark weightage 6 marks... (facial ex-pressions speaks
the story)"
"nahi samjha to rat le"
"External ka aane ka pura scene hai....... "
"Iss paper mein roll number ka kya order hai........"
"Pichle paper mein to kuch to aata tha.......issmein to anda aata
hai........"
"Ek aur din ka gap de dete to kya 3rd World War ho jata tha kya........"
......... bas ek bar wapas lautne ka man karta hai ........
........ Aaj har wo baat yaad aati hai ........
........ kuch buri batein jo ab acchi lagti hain ........
........ kuch batein jo kal ki hi batein lagti hain ........
........ abki baar class attend karne ka man karta hai .........
......... Dopahar ki class mein aakhen band karne ka man karta hai
........
......... hostel ke chat ki wo raat yaad aati hai ........
........ exam ke time pe wo hasi mazak bahut pyari lagti hai ........
........ tab ki bekar lagne wali photo's chehre pe hasi laati hai
........
........ Apni galtiyon pe tumse daat khana yaad aata hai. .......
........ Par tumhari galti dekhne ka man karta hai ........
........ Aaj tum bahut yaad aate ho ........
........Ek aisi subah uthne ka man karta hai.........
........ bas ek bar wapas lautne ka man karta hai........
......... bas ek bar aur .........
........ wapas lautne ka man karta hai........
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