At The Command

It was opening night at the Orpheum and the Amazing Claude was
topping the bill. People came from miles around to see the famed
hypnotist do his stuff. As Claude took to the stage, he
announced, "Unlike most stage hypnotists who invite two or three
people up onto the stage to be put into a trance, I intend to
hypnotize each and every member of the audience."

The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful
antique pocket watch from his coat. "I want you each to keep your eye
on this antique watch. It's a very special watch. Its been in my
family for six generations."

He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly
chanting, "Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch...."

The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light
gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed
the swaying watch, until suddenly it slipped from the hypnotist's
fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces.

"SHIT!!!" said the hypnotist.

It took three weeks to clean up the theater.

Some Thing About Girls

* If you treat her nice she says "yaar mujhe line de raha hay"

* If you don't she says "kitna akroo hai"

* If you dress nicely she says "mujhay impress karna chata hai"

* If you don't she says "tasteless hai yaar"

* If you argue with her she says "ziddi hai"
* If you sit quietly she says, "dumb hai"

* If you act smarter she'll lose her brain as you are insulting her

* If she acts smarter she think it's her right

* If you don't love her she says, "Is ka to pehlay say hi 2,3 larkion
kay saath chakar hai"

* If you love her she says "peechay hi par Gaya hai"

* If you are skinny she says "You should have appropriate mass at
appropriate places"

* If you are healthy she says, "You should be smart"

* If you don't tell her your problem she says "You are not honest to
me"

* If you do tell to her she says "You are a problem child"

* If you scold her she says, "You act like a NANA giving lecture"

* If she scolds you she says "Yaar, its because I care"

* If you break a promise she says, "She does not trust you any more"

* If she breaks she says "Jaan main majboor thi"

* If you smoke she says "You are a bad boy"

* If she smokes she says "Just for enjoyment yaar"

* If you do well in exams she says "Qismat ne saath diya warna tum or
good marks"

* If she gets goods mark she says" Its my brain"

* If you hurt her she says "You are cruel & don't care of my
feelings"

* If she hurts you she replies"You are not understanding"

& They claim they are not Hypocrates, Interesting na !!!

Messages From Newly Wed Daughters

A mother had 3 virgin daughters. They were all getting married
within a short time period. Because Mom was a bit worried about how
their sex life would get started, she made them all promise to send a
postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on how marital sex felt.

The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the wedding.
The card said nothing but "Nescafe".

Mom was puzzled at first, but then went to the kitchen and got out
the Nescafe jar. It said: "Good 'til the last drop. Mom blushed, but
was pleased for her daughter.

The second girl sent the card from Vermont a week after the wedding,
and the card read "Benson & Hedges".

Mom now knew to go straight to her husband's cigarettes, and she
read from the Benson & Hedges pack: "Extra Long. King Size". She was
again slightly embarrassed but still happy for her daughter.

The third girl left for her honeymoon in the Caribbean. Mom waited
for a week, nothing. Another week went by and still nothing. Then
after a whole month, a card finally arrived. Written on it with shaky
handwriting were the words" "British Airways".

Mom took out her latest Harper's Bazaar magazine, flipped through
the pages fearing the worst, and finally found the ad for the
airline. The ad said: "Three times a day, seven days a week, both
ways."

Mom fainted.

Stairway To Heaven

A Marwari, a Bengali, and a Sardar were on their way to Heaven.
God told them that the stairway to Heaven was 1000 steps, and that on
every 25th step he would tell them a joke. He told them not to laugh
at any of the jokes along the way or else they would not be able to
enter heaven.

The Marwari went first and started laughing on the 150th step, so
she could not enter heaven.

The Bengaliwent next and started laughing on the 350th step, so
she could not enter heaven either.

Then, it was the Sardar's turn. When he got to the 999th step,
she started laughing hysterically.

"Why are you laughing?" God asked. "I didn't even tell a joke."

"I know," the Sardar replied. "I just got the first one."