A man complains to a friend, "I can't take it anymore."
"What's wrong?" his concerned friend asks.
"It's my wife. Every time we have an argument, she gets historical!"
"You mean hysterical," his friend said, chuckling.
"No, I mean HISTORICAL," the man insists. "Every argument we have,
she'll go "I still remember that time when you ...."
A man asked his neighbor how he kept his car looking so nice and
glossy.
glossy.
The neighbor replied that his wife gave him all her worn out panties
and he used these to polish his car with.
Being a bachelor, he decided to ask his stenographer for some of
hers, so one day at the office he asked: By the way, Miss Jones, what do
you do with your panties when you wear them out?"
Why," she replied demurely, "If I can find them afterwards, I put
them back on again!".
1) The floor is considered an acceptable clothing storage location.
2) Never ask me to purchase feminine products. Assume that I will
come home with the wrong thing.
3) When we are watching your show and I change the channels during a
commercial, do not hassle me that the commercials have probably
finished, and to change the channel back. I always know when the timing
is right. Also, when we are channel surfing do not ask me to go back,
there was a good reason why I skipped it.
4) If you need help with the laundry, I am more than willing to
carry it from the bedroom to the washer. In my mind this is half the
chore and I am now free to return to the couch.
5) If I mention that a male friend of mine is allowed to do
something it is not necessary for you to call his wife/girlfriend to
discuss it.
6) If you don't like the way I am driving, close your eyes. And I
would appreciate it if you would refrain from making that reverse
inhaling alarmed noise. I haven't hit anything yet and if I do it will
be your fault.
7) I go clothes shopping to buy, never to look.
8) Just tell me what you want me to wear before I get dressed. And
remember that this takes me less than ten minutes no matter what the
occasion is. After all I am getting dressed, not getting ready.
9) Don't ask me if I prefer one outfit over another or if a certain
accessory should be worn or not. I consider this a no win situation and
would rather just wait for you to get dressed while watching TV.
10) If you want me to put the seat down when I am finished then you
should leave the seat up when you are finished. It's only fair. And stop
giving me a hard time about missing the bowl.
11) I will cook anything as long as it is on the BBQ.
12) Yelling to me across the house sounds exactly like stadium crowd
background noise to me. I am not ignoring you.
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