A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl tells him that after dinner, she would like to have sex with him for the first time.
The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacy to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy for about half an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy a 3-pack, 10-pack or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.
That night, the boy shows up at the girls parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents! Come on in!"
The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."
The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist!"
A young lady had just visited her doctor and he informed her
that she was pregnant. The young lady had been married for
ten years and had wanted a baby very badly. As she sat on
the bus, on her way home, she felt that she had to share the
good news with someone. The gentleman sitting next to her
seemed as good as anyone to share the good news with.
Sir, she said, I just received the best news you could ever
imagine. I have to share it with someone or I'll bust. She told
him the news that the doctor had told her about being pregnant.
The man shared her enthusiasm as he shared his experience.
He said he was a farmer and he had trouble with his hens
laying eggs. He stated that he went out to the hen house one
morning and all of his hens had laid eggs. He was so happy.
he added, "but confidentially, I changed cocks."
The newly pregnant woman responded, "Confidentially, me
too."
that she was pregnant. The young lady had been married for
ten years and had wanted a baby very badly. As she sat on
the bus, on her way home, she felt that she had to share the
good news with someone. The gentleman sitting next to her
seemed as good as anyone to share the good news with.
Sir, she said, I just received the best news you could ever
imagine. I have to share it with someone or I'll bust. She told
him the news that the doctor had told her about being pregnant.
The man shared her enthusiasm as he shared his experience.
He said he was a farmer and he had trouble with his hens
laying eggs. He stated that he went out to the hen house one
morning and all of his hens had laid eggs. He was so happy.
he added, "but confidentially, I changed cocks."
The newly pregnant woman responded, "Confidentially, me
too."
A veterinarian surgeon had had a hell of a day, but when he got home from tending to all the sick animals his wife was waiting with a long cool drink and a romantic candle-lit dinner, after which they had a few more drinks and went happily to bed.
At about 2:00 in the morning, the phone rang. "Is this the vet?" asked an elderly lady's voice.
"Yes, it is", replied the vet, "Is this an emergency?"
"Well, sort of", said the elderly lady, "there's a whole bunch of cats on the roof outside making a terrible noise mating and I can't get to sleep. What can I do about it?"
There was a sharp intake of breath from the vet, who then patiently replied "Open the window and tell them they're wanted on the phone"
"Really?" said the elderly lady, "Will that will that stop them?"
"Should do," said the vet, "- IT STOPPED ME!"
At about 2:00 in the morning, the phone rang. "Is this the vet?" asked an elderly lady's voice.
"Yes, it is", replied the vet, "Is this an emergency?"
"Well, sort of", said the elderly lady, "there's a whole bunch of cats on the roof outside making a terrible noise mating and I can't get to sleep. What can I do about it?"
There was a sharp intake of breath from the vet, who then patiently replied "Open the window and tell them they're wanted on the phone"
"Really?" said the elderly lady, "Will that will that stop them?"
"Should do," said the vet, "- IT STOPPED ME!"
Three guys and a lady were sitting at the bar talking about their professions.
The first guy says " I'm a Y.U.P.P.I.E, you know... Young, Urban, Professional, Peaceful, Intelligent, Ecologist."
The second guy says "I'm a D.I.N.K, you know... Double Income, No Kids."
The third guy says, " I'm a R.U.B, you know... Rich, Urban, Biker."
They turn to the woman and ask her, " What are you? "
She replies: " I'm a WIFE, you know... Wash, Iron, Fuck, Etc."
The first guy says " I'm a Y.U.P.P.I.E, you know... Young, Urban, Professional, Peaceful, Intelligent, Ecologist."
The second guy says "I'm a D.I.N.K, you know... Double Income, No Kids."
The third guy says, " I'm a R.U.B, you know... Rich, Urban, Biker."
They turn to the woman and ask her, " What are you? "
She replies: " I'm a WIFE, you know... Wash, Iron, Fuck, Etc."
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