Birth control pills for granny

A doctor who had been seeing an 80-year-old woman for most of her life
finally retired. At her next checkup, the new doctor told her to bring
a list of all the medicines that had been prescribed for her. As the
young doctor looked through the list, his eyes grew wide as he realized
she had a prescription for birth control pills. "Mrs. Smith, do you
realize these are BIRTH CONTROL pills?!?"

"Yes, they help me sleep at night."

"Mrs. Smith, I assure you there is absolutely NOTHING in these that
could possibly help you sleep!"

She reached out and patted the young Doctor's knee. "Yes, dear, I know
that. But every morning, I grind one up and mix it in the glass of
orange juice that my 16-year-old granddaughter drinks... And believe
me, it helps me sleep at night!"

BUY SOME TOILET PAPER

Vincent walks into a store. He says to the salesgirl, "I want to buy
some toilet paper."

She says, "What color?"

He says, "Give me white. I'll color it myself."

BACKSEAT DRIVERS

A man is driving with his wife at his side and his mother-in-law in
the backseat. The women just won't leave him alone.

His mother-in-law says, "You're driving too fast!"

His wife says, "Stay more to the left."

After ten mixed orders, the man turns to his wife and asks, "Who's
driving this car - you or your mother?"

50TH WEDDING ANNIVERSARY

On their 50th wedding anniversary and during the banquet
celebrating it, Bob was asked to give his friends a brief account of
the benefits of a marriage of such long duration.

"Tell us, Bob, just what is it you have learned from all those
wonderful years with your wife?"

Bob responds, "Well, I've learned that marriage is the best teacher
of all. It teaches you loyalty, meekness, forbearance, self restraint,
forgiveness, and a great many other qualities you wouldn't have needed
if you'd stayed single."