Body Language

A woman gets on a city bus. She looks at the driver and holds up one
hand; the driver holds up two hands.

Next, the woman points up; the driver points down.

Then, the woman grabs her breast; the driver grabs his crotch.

Finally, the woman grabs her butt and gets off the bus.

A curious passenger asked the bus driver what the odd motions were
all about.

The driver explained, "The woman is a deaf-mute. She asked me if a
bus ride is five cents, and I told her it was ten cents. Next, she
asked if the bus was going uptown, and I told her it was going
downtown. Then, she asked if the bus was going pass the milk-farm,
and I told her it was going pass the ball-park."

The passenger interjected, "Okay, but why did she grab her butt as
she left the bus?"

The driver continued, she replied "Oh shit, I'm on the wrong bus!"

Biggest & Darkest

A man walks into a whorehouse and asks to have the biggest, darkest-
skinned black womam in the place. So the manager says: "Follow me."

The manager takes him to the second floor, opens the first door to
his right and there is a beautiful 350 pound African American women.
The man replies: "She's not big enough."

"Not big enough?!" the manager yells out.

"That is what I said. I need a women of at least 700 pounds."

So the manager steps back, rubbing his chin, and says "Okay, come
back in acouple of days and I'll see what I can do."

"Thank you," says the man.

A couple of days later the man comes back and the manager takes him
to the second floor, opens the first door on his right and BOOM there
she is, the exact kind of woman he wanted!

The man tells the woman to get naked and lay on the bed spread
eagle, so she does. The man stares at her pussy for ten solid
minutes, then gets up and says "I'm done."

The manager hasn't even left the room by this point, so he
says: "What do you mean you're done?"

"Well you see," came the reply, "I just painted my house black and I
wanted to see what It would look like with pink shutters!"

Sperm Donor

A man walks into a sperm bank and declares I'm of royal blood and an
I.Q. of 165, I'd like to make a donation.

The nurse gives him a sealed cup and directs him to a provate room.

20 minutes later the man hasn't come out, the nurse knocks on the
door. "Is there a problem?"

"I'm so embarrassed, I used my right hand. I used my left hand. I
poured cold water on it and hot water on it. Could you help me?

The nurse replied "I don't usually do this but you are kinda cute..."

She gets on her knees and begins to blow him.

"I really appreciate this, but I need help getting the cap off the
jar!"

Are U A Carrot, An Egg Or A Bean

A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how
things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to
make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and
struggling. It seemed that as one problem was solved a new one arose.

Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water.
In the first, she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs and
in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil
without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the
carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and
placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it
in a bowl. Turning to her daughter, she asked, "Tell me what do you
see?"

"Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she ! replied.

She brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did
and noted that they got soft. She then asked her to take an egg and
break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard-boiled
egg. Finally, she asked her to sip the coffee.

The daughter smiled, as she tasted its rich flavor and enjoyed the
rich aroma. The daughter then asked. "What's the point, mother?"

Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same
adversity--boiling water--but each reacted differently. The carrot
went in strong, hard and unrelenting. However after being subjected
to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been
fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior. But,
after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened.
The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the
boiling water they had changed the harsh environment of the boiling
water.

"Which are you?" she asked her daughter. "When adversity knocks on
your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee
bean?"

Which am I?

Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity, do I
wilt and become soft and lose my strength?

Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with
the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a
financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened ?
Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough
with a dry spirit and a hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot
water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water
gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the
bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the
situation around you. When the hours are the darkest ! and trials are
their greatest do you elevate to another level?

How do you handle Adversity?

ARE YOU A CARROT, AN EGG, OR A COFFEE BEAN?

Don't tell GOD how big your storm is. Tell the storm how big your
GOD is!