SUSPECT: Good ones

PRINTER CLEANINGS    When a guy's printer type began to grow faint, he called a local repair shop where a friendly man informed him that the printer probably needed only to be cleaned. Because the store charged $50 for such cleanings, he told him he might be better off reading the printer's manual and trying the job himself.    Pleasantly surprised by his candor, he asked, "Does your boss know that you discourage business?"    "Actually, it's my boss's idea," the employee replied sheepishly. "We usually make more money on repairs if we let people try to fix things themselves first."

 

 WATCH

 

 Johnny was in the playground with his friend Jimmy when he noticed the brand new shiny watch Jimmy was wearing.

 

 "Did you get that for your birthday?" he asked.

 

 "Nope," Jimmy replied.

 

 "Well, did you get it for Christmas then?" Johnny asked.

 

 "Nope."

 

 "You didn't steal it did you?"

 

 "No," said Jimmy. "I went into Mom and Dad's bedroom the other night when they were on the job. Dad gave me his watch to get rid of me."

 

 Johnny was extremely impressed with this idea, and extremely jealous of Jimmy's new watch. He vowed to get one for himself.

 

 That night he waited outside his parents' room until he heard the unmistakable noises of lovemaking.

 

 Johnny swung the door wide open and boldly strode into the bedroom. His father, caught in mid stroke, turned and asked him angrily, "What do you want now?"

 

 "I wanna watch," Johnny replied.

 

 "Well, stand in the corner and keep quiet then," said his father.

 

 

 

"Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again."

 Rakesh Jain | Associate Consultant | +91 80 2208 3844 (O) | +91 93429 25974 (M)

 Banking Products Division, Oracle Financial Services
 Bangalore, India

 Oracle Financial Services Software Limited was formerly i-flex solutions limited.

 

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SUSPECT: MAN, HIS DOG N THE NUNS

There was once a man and his dog, whom were stranded on an
island. One day, the man was really desperate and wanted to have sex
real bad, so he went round the island, hoping to find a woman or
something. All he found was a wooden barrel. So with that, he poked a
hole through the middle of the barrel and screwed till he was satisfied.
Ever since then, he used that to fulfill his sexual desires.

One day, his dog, has the sexual urge too, so it decides to use the
method that its master have been using.

So the two of them used the barrel until they died.

About 50 years later, the island was founded by a group of old nuns
and they built a nunnery there.

One day the Chief Nun found a certain barrel which contained a
loadful of wax, so she took it and made them into candles. The candles
were then being used to light up the nunnery in the dark until one day,
a nun got naughty and decided to satisfy herself with the candles. She
throughly enjoyed herself from that.

However, 10 months later, she rushed into the Mother Superior's room
and said, "I've got to confess, I used the candle to screw myself 9
months ago and now I have a baby."

Mother Superior then replied, "You're more fortunate my child, I've
got a puppy..."

Little Johnny does again

A new teacher was getting to know the kids by asking them their name and what their father did for a living.
The first little girl said: "My name is Mary and my Daddy is a postman."
The next child, a little boy said: "I'm Andy and my Dad is a mechanic."
And so it went until one little boy said: "My name is Johnny and my father is a striptease artist in a gay club."
The teacher gasped and quickly changed the subject. Later, in the school yard, the teacher approached Little Johnny privately and asked if it was really true that his dad danced nude in a gay bar.
Little Johnny blushed and said, "No, he's really a Business Development Director at Lehman Brothers, but I'm just too embarrassed to tell anyone."

Ultimate Quote for the day...